04.25.07 From the Viking
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Why does Mario always ride me around like I'm a horse? I'm a Yoshi.
August 10th, 1993
I made Princess Peach a mixtape. It was mostly Morrisey songs, a few of the TOLERABLE Chili Peppers singles. But when I went to give her place to give her the tape, Mario was over there. I was so mad. Then I just tried to sneak away without either of them seeing me, but Mario noticed me at the last second and jumped on my back. That dick headed bitch.
September 1st, 1993
Sometimes I pee all over Mario's mushrooms when he's not looking. Then, when he eats them, I laugh inside. That's the only pleasure I have in the world. Oh, I tried heroin for the first time two days ago. It takes away the pain...but it's so expensive. A goomba sold it to me for 98 coins. I mean, that's almost enough for an extra life. But an extra life doesn't make the world stop hurting...so I guess it's worth it.
November 15th, 1993
I've been stealing Mario's coins while he sleeps so I can score H. He was just gonna spend that cash on mustache brushes or some shit anyways...the fat turd.
November 19th, 1993
Oh my Gosh! Princess Peach caught me doing heroin...and she wanted some too! She says I'm a "bad ass" and that I'm way cooler than Mario, who's a "square." Hell Yeah, dude! He's a punk bitch too! Finally...things are going my way!
December 3rd, 1993
Yo. Just dyed Peach's hair pink for her. Looks cool that way. We've been doing a lot of H and listening to Lou Reed's "Transformer"...should probably cut back, but whatevs. Man, yesterday WAS a "Perfect Day," you know? Lou knows what he's talking about, man. Now come take a walk on the wild side, man. I love life, and birds and treees! Yesssss....
December 5th, 1993
OH SHIT!!!! Peach OD'd!! Fuck! I buried her under a Haunted House 'cuz I know Mario will never look there. But they're gonna know, MAN!! THAT fucking BITCH!!! She couldn't handle her shit, man! Oh fuck!
Yoshi was never seen or heard from again.
There are 2 comments so far:
Yoshi's Secret Diaries
Video game characters sometimes have…a dark side. We all know about the Mario/Luigi sex tape(s), the Lara Croft "off the record" abortion and the Crash Bandicoot murder trial. Well the sleuths at Double Viking have uncovered a document that will add yet another name to that list of tainted characters. Without further ado, we present "Yoshi's Secret Diaries."
Why does Mario always ride me around like I'm a horse? I'm a Yoshi.
August 10th, 1993
I made Princess Peach a mixtape. It was mostly Morrisey songs, a few of the TOLERABLE Chili Peppers singles. But when I went to give her place to give her the tape, Mario was over there. I was so mad. Then I just tried to sneak away without either of them seeing me, but Mario noticed me at the last second and jumped on my back. That dick headed bitch.
September 1st, 1993
Sometimes I pee all over Mario's mushrooms when he's not looking. Then, when he eats them, I laugh inside. That's the only pleasure I have in the world. Oh, I tried heroin for the first time two days ago. It takes away the pain...but it's so expensive. A goomba sold it to me for 98 coins. I mean, that's almost enough for an extra life. But an extra life doesn't make the world stop hurting...so I guess it's worth it.
November 15th, 1993
I've been stealing Mario's coins while he sleeps so I can score H. He was just gonna spend that cash on mustache brushes or some shit anyways...the fat turd.
November 19th, 1993
Oh my Gosh! Princess Peach caught me doing heroin...and she wanted some too! She says I'm a "bad ass" and that I'm way cooler than Mario, who's a "square." Hell Yeah, dude! He's a punk bitch too! Finally...things are going my way!
December 3rd, 1993
Yo. Just dyed Peach's hair pink for her. Looks cool that way. We've been doing a lot of H and listening to Lou Reed's "Transformer"...should probably cut back, but whatevs. Man, yesterday WAS a "Perfect Day," you know? Lou knows what he's talking about, man. Now come take a walk on the wild side, man. I love life, and birds and treees! Yesssss....
December 5th, 1993
OH SHIT!!!! Peach OD'd!! Fuck! I buried her under a Haunted House 'cuz I know Mario will never look there. But they're gonna know, MAN!! THAT fucking BITCH!!! She couldn't handle her shit, man! Oh fuck!
Yoshi was never seen or heard from again.
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junk
04/25/2007 10:29
ha ha ha ha ha.. FUCK YOUR COUCH YOSHI.. FUCK YOUR COUCH.
Mystik
01/18/2008 01:13
YOu are all gay men and are fah geets. you fucking fah geets. you do not live in a mountain like me I am the best. I eat candy all day and am so cool. No body is as good as me you are all fahgeets
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