Wild Summer Party Ideas to Beat the Heat

Many guys claim that summer is their favorite season, and it's probably for one reason and one reason alone: it's a socially acceptable excuse to get girls in bikinis. Why else would anyone have such adoration for a season that's known for 100 degree weather, sticking to car seats, and the discomfort associated with “swamp ass”? Hey, it's worth it to see girls jumping around in what essentially amounts to outdoor underwear.

The Classic: Pool Parties

If you're lucky enough to have a pool at your disposal, you've already got all you need for a wicked summer party. Even if your pool is a crappy above ground unit that could break apart at any minute, get your buddies to come over for a few hours and help you clean the slime and algae out of that bad boy. Toss in a little chlorine and you're ready to go.

The thing of it is, when it's hot enough outside to fry an egg on the sidewalk, folks are going to come over to swim at your pad, even if you're offering a glorified wading pool. Remember, the only point to having a pool party is if you have at least a decent number of girls in attendance. Otherwise you'll spend the evening watching a bunch of beefcake splash each other in your pool (but hey, maybe that's your thing). Nobody likes a sausagefest.

The best time of day to kick off a pool party is in the late afternoon when the temperature is at its hottest. This will give your guests an incentive to strip down and jump in the water as soon as possible. It's also late enough in the day for the party to extend past dark, which can lead to excessive intoxication and, hopefully, nudity.

Natural Bodies of Water

If you don't have a pool, natural bodies of water are your next best bet. Lakes are ideal if you happen to live near one, since there are usually a lot of shore side “party spots” already scouted out for you – and let's be honest, if you don't have a pool, you probably don't have a boat. It's possible you'll encounter other lake partiers and merge groups, which can result in some pretty interesting situations. If the night ends with beer cans littering the gorgeous scenery of a pristine lake and rounding second base with a girl in the back of your jeep, you've done well.

But what if you're not close to a lake? That's fine. Strap on your white trash hat and figure out where the local swimmin' holes are. It's a perfect opportunity to cram a few girls into the car, crank up that Lynyrd Skynyrd as you take a swig of your Mickey's Big Mouth, and trespass on private property. If you're near a river and see abandoned washing machines, you're probably real close-like to a swimmin' hole.

Water Parks: Not Just for Kids

Water parks are fun. If you're ten. But did you know that a lot of water parks have started offering 21 and up events? That means no waiting in line behind a bunch of shitty rugrats and watching their overweight mothers adjust their too-tight one pieces. Most of these events are complete with DJ and outdoor bar, which makes cruising down those slides a whole hell of a lot more fun. It gives you a chance to revisit your childhood, but also get drunk and hit on girls.

You might be thinking, “Hey, no kids around! That means there will be less urine in the water!” If you're thinking that, you're wrong. Dead wrong. Think about it – a bunch of drunk college age kids sliding into a huge communal pool. Scientifically speaking, that pool would have at least a 37% urine to water ratio. You've been warned.

Make Friends With the Right People

So what if you don't have a boat or a pool? Or you don't like the idea of dodging floating band aids at the water park? Other than to quit acting like a little princess, your next best option is to make friends with someone who does have all of these things at their disposal. The next time you hear some yuppie bragging about his awesome below-ground swimming pool, it's time to sidle up to him and turn on the charm. If you play your cards right, he won't even know you're only befriending himself because you're a sleezebag who wants to use his pool to pick up chicks. If you can convince him to throw a pool party and you deliver the girls, he might not even care.

Bonus Recipe: Vodka Watermelon

This is the perfect “snack” to serve during any summer party, and chicks love it. You'll need:

• Watermelon, preferably seedless
• Vodka
• A funnel

And that's it. Essentially, you cut a small hole into the watermelon and slowly pour in vodka. Using a funnel to do this will make your life much easier, and will allow you to leave a bit of the vodka inside the funnel (which the watermelon will absorb). This can take quite a while, so prepare this ahead of time and store it in the fridge. If you've left the funnel stuck into the watermelon to fully drain, you might want to make some kind of base for the watermelon to sit on, otherwise it'll roll right out onto the floor when your roommate goes for his midnight hot pocket. Popping out one of these is sure to be a big hit, and everyone will want a slice, especially the girls. A few watermelon slices later and that summer party just became a lot more interesting.