Why Video Games and Movies Don't Mix

Far too often, Hollywood gets it in its collective head that the blockbuster action movie could make them even more money if they crossed genres and made a video game to accompany it. Hollywood’s collective little brain says, “We can make even more money by catering to our viewers’ fantasies and letting them be the hero...” But being the hero shouldn’t suck.

As Hollywood seems to be running out of ideas, it turns to other genres for their continuing creativity -- genres like comic books and video games. While the comic books are a robust enough medium from which to extract some worthwhile storylines, video games tend to lack the substance, depth, and, well, plots to make something worth sitting through for two hours. And on the rare occasion that Hollywood DOES choose a game worth adapting for the big screen, what happens? They make it suck. Usually, it ends up sucking so badly that people don’t even want to play the game any more. 

Hollywood’s screenwriters and directors need to take heed of some things before they make the next game/movie disaster.

Research the Source Material

Without fail, when a game is adapted to a movie, the screenwriters neglect some VERY important aspects of the game: why do people love the game being adapted? Why would people want to see it on the big screen? Unfortunately, Hollywood seems to be taking cues from the old Bud Dry ads when it comes to adapting games for the big screen by saying, “Why ask 'Why?' Screw the game’s fans, they’re not that bright. They’ll see that (insert game’s name here) is being made into a movie and come a-runnin’.” The screenwriters and directors make up some cockamamie premise for why your favorite characters are on screen (koff…Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter…koff), and then shit all over everything gamers hold dear. Hollywood, we beg you, research your source material, determine if there’s enough story to make it worthwhile and, for god’s sake, don’t make anything like this ever again: 

Also, regardless of how badass Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson may or may not be, we don’t need to see anything like DOOM again, either. 

If You’re Gonna Make a Movie into a Game, Make It Right

Seriously, even if Hollywood makes a movie that is perfect for a video game, they almost ALWAYS blow it (the only exception to this is Goldeneye 007 for N64, which was perfect in its simplicity). Transformers, I’m looking right at you.  The movie was incredible: great special effects, great action… giant robots beating the shit out of each other. And then there's the game. Besides the lackluster graphics, the poor response of the characters and… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… huh? oh, sorry, I got bored just thinking about it. You can imagine what playing it was like.  

Oh, and speaking of Street Fighter: The Movie, how the hell are you going to make a game of a movie… of a game? And a BAD one at that! I’m sorry but that just had to be said... again.

And let’s not discuss the nightmarish hellspawn of a game (and I use the term loosely), Fight Club. I hesitate to even speak its name for fear of it being thrust in my hands. Seriously, this is the type of torture I am sure they used in Guantanamo Bay to torture POW’s. I mean, if it were possible, Fight Club: The Game should be used as toilet paper. Painful, scratchy toilet paper. Or better still, for skeet shooting. PULL!

Or what about Matrix: Path of Neo or Enter the Matrix. Built as companion pieces to expand on the world of The Matrix, these games were primed to be awesome… but they weren’t. Instead, they were the biggest disappointments of their day.

Written and directed by the Wachowski Bros... in a drunken stupor.

I fear the upcoming Iron Man and Incredible Hulk movie adaptations because they actually DO look cool…One thing that I know the Iron Man game will do right is use the actual actors for the voices of the main characters, which brings up the next point… 
 
 

Make The Game Adaptation As Close To The Movie As Possible (i.e. BADASS)

Pay the actors in the movie a little more  money and get them to voice the characters in the game. This will give a bit more authenticity and realism to the world you’re trying to draw players into. A prime example of what not to do when making a game adaptation of a movie is the abysmal Bad Boys game, which 1) did not involve Will Smith or Martin Lawrence even remotely in voice over, character modeling or motion capture, which basically left players with a parody of the movie. Worse yet, they took Bad Boys and made it look like a poor man’s Grand Theft Auto III. 
 

If You See This Man Directing a Movie, Run. 

Uwe Boll is probably the worst thing ever to happen to video game-based-movies. Let’s look at his track record… 

The House of the Dead

Alone in the Dark

BloodRayne

BloodRayne II

Postal

Far Cry

BloodRayne 3 

Now, the last two have yet to be released, but it’s a pretty safe bet given his track record that the rest of them will suck donkey balls as well. This is also a guy who, upon hearing repeated criticism of his horrible game to movie adaptations, told his critics to “put up or shut up” and challenged all his critics to go ten rounds with him in a boxing match. So, not only is he a bad director, but he’s batshit crazy. Good times. 

Worst. Movies. EVER.

Whatever you do, Hollywood, don’t make anymore of these:

Alone in the Dark

BloodRayne

BloodRayne II

DOA: Dead or Alive

Doom

Double Dragon (which could have been badass… remember Double Impact?)

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (pretty to look at, but no one knew what the hell was going on)

The House of the Dead

Street Fighter: The Movie

Wing Commander

And the granddaddy of them all…

Super Mario Bros. 

So, to summarize, Hollywood:

• Research the source material so you can make the gamers happy with accurate (or at least reasonable) adaptations of their games… unless of course the game is only cool as its gameplay.
  
• Make a game from a movie people actually want to play, not just another collectible from a movie. After all, I could get an Iron Man mug from 7-11 and get the nostalgic effects I could get from a bad video game.
• Make the game version of a movie actually reflect the great parts of the movie and, more importantly, make people remember how cool those parts were.
• And, most important of all, if you see Uwe Boll, run.

Best game to movie adaptation?

Best game from a movie?