Vegas Odds on Celebrity Comebacks

Britney Spears 20-1 

Let's face it.  Britney's singing career is over unless she comes up with a standout album.  The odds of that happening aren't all that good, but the possibility that a sex tape may still eventually surface is keeping hopes of a B.Spears revival alive. 
 

Michael Richards 5,000-1 

Not a good bet.  Richards' cemented his fate with his crazed racist tirade, but the truth is, his odds were set at 4,000-1 even before his infamous public brainstorm for new fork uses. 
 

Whitney Houston 15-1 

The music industry loves Whitney, so if she's willing and able to sing, she's a good bet to come back.  It's a pretty big 'if'.  In the meantime, those who bet on Whitney are also going to have to hope the Bobby Brown stays out of the picture, because he keeps spilling his crazy on her. 
 

Michael Jackson 75-1  

Jacko would need a bonafide great album to begin to have anything resembling a career resurgence, in this country, anyway.  It could happen, it's just that it's hard to foster a pop music comeback when your main problem is having a longstanding public reputation as a child molester. 
 

Al Gore - 100-1 

'An Inconvenient Truth' and a hardline against the Bush presidency have the beltline buzzing over Gore's aspirations to make another run for the White House.  Vegas, though, is pretty confident that should Gore get close, Ralph Nader will step up to ruin his life again. 
 

Eddie Murphy 2-1 

This one is as close to in the bag as celebrity comebacks get.  After years of box-office poison (Pluto Nash, I Spy) and general obscurity, Eddie Murphy is finally getting some positive attention again, from his work on "Dreamgirls".  Which means it's probably about time for him to get another $20 million for another movie that everbody hates without ever seeing.  Might we suggest "Daddy Daycare 2"? 
 

Mark McGwire 50-1 

Big Mac is probably done, at least for a while, or at least until someone finally admits that almost every good baseball player ever has used some sort of performance enhancer.  That's not incredibly likely, but Big Mac's odds are increased by the fact that if Fox every brings back celebrity boxing, McGwire would be a prime candidate to punch the shit out of anybody. 
 

George W. Bush 10,000-1 

What are his approval ratings now?  -17%?  I mean, ouch.  But not bad for someone who spends 90% of his day reading 'Marmaduke'.  Ultimately, Dubya won't be able to win back the public with anything short of large individual bribes.   
 

Kevin Federline 300,000,000-1 

This one is kind of cheating, because it's not really a "comeback" if you're not coming back to anything.  But really, the bar is just lower for Fed-ex:  anybody would agree that if he ever releases another album, it would have to qualify as a major comeback, because right now, it seems totally impossible.  However, if some sort of extinction level event were to decimate the human race including most of it's talent base, K-Fed may one day regain his status as an entertainer.  But people will still think he sucks.