Top 10 Celebrity ButterfacesBy Mario Frassetto on April 09, 2007 - 7:00 am |
It’s happened to all of us. You see a chick with long luscious legs. Right above those is a tight, firm rear. Next is their slim waist and chiseled abs. And then comes the breasts. Either large and augmented or natural and perky, it doesn’t matter, they all have them and they are spectacular.
But then she turns around or you get a good look at her face and it makes your stomach turn. Collagen swollen lips, cheeks tucked into foreheads and man-like features are enough to disappoint any man. It’s a case of the butterface.
These aren’t your girl next doors, but as celebrities, we’d like to think these women have to be held to a higher standard. So here are our top ten women that are super-hot from the neck-down but need some work upstairs.
10. Hilary Swank
She was in Boys Don’t Cry where she won an Oscar for playing a man in a movie. That pretty much assures that you won’t be on Victoria’s Secret short list for their next Angel. But when you sculpt your body into a machine with chiseled abs, tight ass, and toned everything, men will take notice. Too bad getting your next Oscar makes you perfect as a look-alike for a butch chick boxer.
9. April Scott
Nothing can compare to April’s long legs, a spectacular ass and great tits in a g-string and push-up bra. Too bad the compliments end there. She’s yet another “model” who’s posed in too many face flattering over-the-shoulder shots. Her claims to fame are b-listed to no end. Only thumb-nailed shots trick you into thinking she’s actually hot.
8. Haylie Duff
The gene pool in this family got a little shallow after younger sister Hilary graced us with her presence. Poor, poor Haylie got the short end of the stick when it came to the neck-up department, and is doomed to forever be Hillary’s older, uglier sister. But with her smoking body she’s assured a pity lay by some B-actor and continued “fame.”
7. Christina Ricci
When your first major role is on the Addams Family as Wednesday, you know you're going to make this list. Peel the Goth gear away though and she’ll make any man howl. She showed what she had in Prozac Nation and her all-natural body isn’t as scary as her face. There’s no wonder why Samuel Jackson would slap a leash on her and keep her as a pet. Now that’s what I call reparations.
6. Lisa Rinna
This Former Days of Our Lives cast member and more recently “contestant” on Dancing with the Stars certainly has a body that won’t quit. And for being 43 and popping out two kids, her body is one of the best in the business. Too bad she couldn’t resist buying some DSLs that make her face look utterly busted and ridiculous.
5. Rebecca Loos
Rebecca is more proof guys think with their other, smaller head. As personal assistant to billionaire David Beckham, it’s clear what two credentials got her hired. That, and the fact that she’s openly bisexual. Taking that into consideration it’s easy to forgive Beckham for not looking directly at her face when he hired her.
4. Tori Spelling
With a face like hers only two things could get her a big break on a show filled with beautiful people: her smoking body and her last name. But there she is, cast as the ugly best friend the other hot chicks in Beverly Hills confide in. Only a paper bag makes her bangable - that and the piles of money daddy gave her.
3. Vida Guerra
With a body (and ass) like hers it’s easy to forget what Vida actually looks like. But inevitably, one's eyes wander above the torso and neck area and after that it’s game over. Once again, cunning photographers put her best asset forward while keeping her looking over her shoulder in that all too familiar busted-face pose. She better watch out, the guy with the ugly stick is still right behind her.
The only Pussycat Doll that could make you say me-ewww once you got a good look at her. It’s a good thing they keep her at or near the back of the pack. Even her magazine “glamour” shots conveniently place her in the busted-face over-the-shoulder-ass-protruding pose. She is living proof that sometimes talent and a smoking body alone can make you a sex symbol.
Fergie started as the hot chick in the Black Eyed Peas and was the only reason to sit through one of their music videos. Her dancer inspired body is one of the hardest and hottest in the music and entertainment industry. Now her solo career has thrust her into the limelight and it’s way too bright. Besides her gnarly man-hands, the good doctor got a tad ambitious with all the nips, tucks and peels, making her look downright scary.
Don’t think that you got off easy if you weren’t on this list. Some un-honorable mentions include:
Chloe Sevigny: She is better known for her on-screen BJ and happy ending than her headshots.
Gina Gershon: She’s got a smoking body but her gi-normous lips make her look like a bee attack victim.
Nikki Cox: With her long legs and great boobs she gets us all excited until you get a good look at her joker-like face.