The Ten Places I Regret Being At While Rubbing One Out

1. The dermatologist's office
2. Yankee Stadium, 7th inning stretch
3. An English as a 2nd language school, where I was teaching
4. Every Arby's I've ever been to (I can't help myself)
5. Robert McKee's screen writing workshop…now I'll NEVER get a friggin' ending to my robot comedy
6. At the Masturbatorium (too cliched, you know?)
7. At my wedding
8. At Kurt Vonnegut's funeral
9. On the track at my former employer's "Fun Run" (no one seemed to like my "Sprint Squirter" joke)
10. Next to a clown