10.27.09 From the Viking
The Do's And Don'ts of a Halloween Party
Written by TastyBooze.com
The leaves are changing which means summer is officially over and it’s time to start brainstorming an idea for a kick ass Halloween costume. With Halloween comes the yearly Halloween party where guys can dress like jackasses, girls can dress slutty and everyone catches a healthy buzz. On a side note, is there a non-slutty girl’s Halloween costume? I don’t know who started this whole “let’s make every girls costume slutty” but a tip of the cap to you good sir, a tip of the cap.
So here is a list of the dos and don'ts that we put together to help ensure you have a good time at your Halloween and don't end up blacked out, puking on your rented clown shoes with a dick drawn on your face (assuming of course the dick was not a part of your original costume).
Do: Be creative with your costume, but not offensive. Girls always get a kick out of the doctor costume, and you claim to be a OBGYN or Gynecologist. The Free Mammogram costume is always a winner with the ladies.
Do: Choose a costume that makes you think, “I’m going to need at least three beers before I leave the house in that thing.”
Don't: Have a great idea for a Roman Polanski costume? Bad idea, no potential hook-up is going to find a child rapist funny.
Don't: If you're single, don't pair up with a friend for a couple's costume, i.e. Jon & Kate, Russell Brand & Katy Perry, A-Rod & Kate Hudson, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, you are just cockblocking yourself.
Don’t: If you’re in a relationship the couple’s costume is only acceptable if there has been a threat of withheld sex for at least 3 months. Sure girls you have no shot with will think it’s cute but no amount of booze will wash away all the shit you will take from your buddies.
Do: Feel free to drink mandarin vodka and jager because they are orange and black.
Don't: Start too early. This is not a tailgate party for OSU v. Michigan. You should achieve your maximum level of drunkenness between midnight and 1:00am, not 3 in the afternoon.
Don't: Trust the punch. Punch is almost always delicious, and it might seem like a cheap and convenient way of catching a nice, slow buzz. But be aware, almost every delicious punch is stronger than you think and they’re generally one way tickets to blackout-ville. Hell, they have names like "pink panty dropper" for gods sake. If you guzzle down too much punch, it might be worse than that time you guzzled all those Everclear jello shooters, you never know.
Don't: Eat too much candy. Look, alcohol is a poison. a very fun poison to be sure, but to your body, it's just a poison. So when you drink it, your liver tries to process it as quickly as possible to get it out of your system. That means, the other things your liver usually does (one of the most important of which is controlling your blood sugar levels) sort of get pushed to the back burner. So if you are chowing down on super sugary candy, and tossing back drinks, it might not affect how drunk you get specifically, but your blood sugar is going to go way up, and you are certainly going to feel like shit. And just because it'll be all colorful when you puke, doesn't mean it's something worth shooting for. Fuck, when did this post take a turn towards 8th grade health class.
Do: Eat a few candy corns. They’re only around once a year and they’re fucking delicious.
Don't: Go after the slutty girl in the slutty outfit. She might be a sure thing but that’s not a challenge. This is like any other night for her except there are free jello shooters to go with her PBR.
Do: Go after the quiet, conservative girl that broke out the slutty outfit. There's a difference between the slut dressed slutty and the conservative girl dressed slutty. It's important to see the distinction. She's dressed outside her usual comfort level which means after a few glasses of punch she be ready to do some things outside her usual comfort level, i.e. talk to you.
This article was written by awesomely handsome yet sophisticatedly cool guys at TastyBooze.com.
The Costume
Do: Be creative with your costume, but not offensive. Girls always get a kick out of the doctor costume, and you claim to be a OBGYN or Gynecologist. The Free Mammogram costume is always a winner with the ladies.
Do: Choose a costume that makes you think, “I’m going to need at least three beers before I leave the house in that thing.”
Don't: Have a great idea for a Roman Polanski costume? Bad idea, no potential hook-up is going to find a child rapist funny.
Don't: If you're single, don't pair up with a friend for a couple's costume, i.e. Jon & Kate, Russell Brand & Katy Perry, A-Rod & Kate Hudson, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, you are just cockblocking yourself.
Don’t: If you’re in a relationship the couple’s costume is only acceptable if there has been a threat of withheld sex for at least 3 months. Sure girls you have no shot with will think it’s cute but no amount of booze will wash away all the shit you will take from your buddies.
The Booze
Do: Feel free to drink mandarin vodka and jager because they are orange and black.
Don't: Start too early. This is not a tailgate party for OSU v. Michigan. You should achieve your maximum level of drunkenness between midnight and 1:00am, not 3 in the afternoon.
Don't: Trust the punch. Punch is almost always delicious, and it might seem like a cheap and convenient way of catching a nice, slow buzz. But be aware, almost every delicious punch is stronger than you think and they’re generally one way tickets to blackout-ville. Hell, they have names like "pink panty dropper" for gods sake. If you guzzle down too much punch, it might be worse than that time you guzzled all those Everclear jello shooters, you never know.
The Candy
Don't: Eat too much candy. Look, alcohol is a poison. a very fun poison to be sure, but to your body, it's just a poison. So when you drink it, your liver tries to process it as quickly as possible to get it out of your system. That means, the other things your liver usually does (one of the most important of which is controlling your blood sugar levels) sort of get pushed to the back burner. So if you are chowing down on super sugary candy, and tossing back drinks, it might not affect how drunk you get specifically, but your blood sugar is going to go way up, and you are certainly going to feel like shit. And just because it'll be all colorful when you puke, doesn't mean it's something worth shooting for. Fuck, when did this post take a turn towards 8th grade health class.
Do: Eat a few candy corns. They’re only around once a year and they’re fucking delicious.
The Ladies
Don't: Go after the slutty girl in the slutty outfit. She might be a sure thing but that’s not a challenge. This is like any other night for her except there are free jello shooters to go with her PBR.
Do: Go after the quiet, conservative girl that broke out the slutty outfit. There's a difference between the slut dressed slutty and the conservative girl dressed slutty. It's important to see the distinction. She's dressed outside her usual comfort level which means after a few glasses of punch she be ready to do some things outside her usual comfort level, i.e. talk to you.
This article was written by awesomely handsome yet sophisticatedly cool guys at TastyBooze.com.
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Ty
10/27/2009 15:11
Lol Joe
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