The 9 Worst Trends of 2007

 

1) Wearing Dead Rodents

 

 

 

One of the big "celebrity" trends this year is one of the most disgusting things I've seen a while -- wearing dead rodents. Courtney Love, designer Marc Jacobs' boyfriend, Pete Doherty, Kate Moss... these are just some of the many celebrities who were photographed going out with a "dead mouse broach" this year. Now, I'm not an animal rights nut (I ate three forms of meat for dinner this evening), but I think it's both disgusting and insensitive to wear a dead mouse on your clothes. At least feed the damned thing to your snake.

2) Jenkem

This is the hot new drug popping up in America by way of Zambia. I'm well aware of the numerous instances in which American teenagers have borrowed from foreign cultures (piercings and tattoos for instance) but I think Jenkem (which is a huffing drug made out of fermented sewage) deserves special mention. I know what my poop smells like and I don't care if huffing it will give me levitation hallucinations, I'm not doing it. My shit smells like shit. 'Nuff said.

3) The saying "That's a good look"

Okay, people, this is out of control. The expression, "That's a good look," being used in regards to anything other than someone's "look" or outfit needs to stop. At first it was just something black folks and wiggers would say to each other when congratulating each other on a notable accomplishment (but didn't want to seem too "homo" as to just say "congratulations"). "You got a new job? Oh, that's a good look, homey!" Of course now my 58-year-old mother is saying shit like the New York Times' Frank Rich's new column is a "good look" for him... which means the expression is officially over. 'Kay?

4) Lists

How utterly ironic of me. But seriously, lists are out of control obnoxious in '07. I've seen my local news stations doing lists during broadcasts -- "Ten Funniest Moments of the Queens Drug Raid... film at 11!" The reason why these lists continue to perpetuate is that, based off web traffic analysis, you readers really fucking love your content divided into list form. This, of course, leads to the next item...

5) The TLDR phenomenon

For those who don't know, TLDR (or tl;dr as it often appears on message boards) stands for "Too long; didn't read." It's a new phrase that's emerged this year that rears its ugly head whenever there's an article that isn't 50% "pretty pictures" or cartoons. This has to be the most obnoxious trend I've seen in a while because it represents a lethal combination of arrogance and ignorance... and stuck up idiots are possibly the worst people on the face of the earth... which is why LA is so fucking annoying.

6) Activist Documentaries with No Answers

This trend began last year with a pair of activist documentaries (Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" and "Who Killed The Electric Car") but is in full force this year with such offerings as "Sicko," "King Corn" and "The 11th Hour." These are all "awareness" films... they're basically the moving pictures version of an AIDS ribbon -- they serve to get you talking... and little else. These films all lack what made the 2006 intelligent design-debunking documentary "Flock of Dodos" a great film -- A SOLUTION.

7) Celebrities Joining The 9/11 Truth Movement

Just because this fat, sweat-drenched rump roast says the "facts" of the 9/11 Truth Movement authoritatively doesn't mean they're true. Oh, quite the contrary.

8) Retard Rap

I was already getting pretty annoyed with rap music with that whole "Crunk" movement... but that shit looks borderline genius-level in comparison to the biggest rap hits of 2007 (such as "Supaman," "This Is Why I'm Hot" and "Party Like a Rock Star"). This new breed of rap music (which is characterized by inane beats, unintelligible lyrics, incessant play on idiot teenagers' cell phones and, oftentimes, a choreographed dance) has been dubbed by the DV staff as "Retard Rap." And by no means do we mean that as a dis to retards.

9) Your response videos to "Shocking" videos

 

 

 

A trend from this year we at DV like is the rise of these insane video sites that keep popping up (such as 2girls1cup.com... not linking it, sucker... sorry... or dickchop.com). These videos are SO not safe for work they can only be contained on standalone websites, leaving a gaping hole on sites like Youtube and Myspace. In the absence of the REAL videos, Youtube and Myspace users have been uploading their own "hilarious" response videos where they've taped themselves watching the shocking videos in question. Wow. How interesting... I get to see you looking at a computer screen. Thank GOD for the internet. Seriously. It's great. I'm SO happy.