The 3 Manliest Flavors of Ice Cream That Actually Exist

Pit Viper Ice Cream

Yes, that's right, this is ice cream infused with actual pit vipers, an extremely poisonous and deadly snake. It could make “choo choo choco” or whatever other ice cream flavor for babies you have in your freezer melt on contact. Hailing from Japan—where else—this ice cream isn't coveted so much for its taste, but for it's other distinct properties. The pit viper is supposedly an aphrodisiac. So it's useful for when you've got your lady friend over, and say, you're watching a movie on the couch. When you're getting snacks, all you have to do is say, “Damn gurrll, you've got to try this cuhrayzay ice cream I got because I'm exotic and interesting and buy silly food products.” By the time the credits roll, you'll be showing her *your* pit viper.

Classy French Ice Cream

Vanilla ice cream is for the unwashed proletariat.

Chocolate? The flavor of swine.

For a classy, refined gentleman, there is only one flavor of ice cream that could possibly satisfy his refined palate (other than pit viper). That flavor is foie gras and caviar. The delectable flavors of artificially fattened duck liver topped with the eggs of dead fish culminate into an ice cream experience only suitable for the rich, famous, and beautiful.

Candied Bacon Ice Cream

Finally, a flavor that actually sounds like it might legitimately taste pretty good. For the uninitiated, “candied” bacon is a real marvel of food combinations: bacon that is cooked (usually in an oven or on a grill instead of in a pan) after having been coated in brown sugar. The result is a sweet, candy-like bacon. Which actually works really well with ice cream, the conflicting salty and sweet flavors making for a particularly unique experience.