Real Men Love The Hives' "The Black and White Album"

 

THIS ALBUM COVERS TWO MANLY GENRES

Almost all the 14 songs on "The Black and White Album" fall into one of two manly genres of music; they're either Drinking Anthems or Manly Dance Club Music. Both genres compliment drinking copious amounts of alcohol, though one genre (Drinking Anthems) goes great with beer while the other (Manly Dance Club Music) goes great with liquor. This much is for sure...this is NOT a chill out and smoke a doob album. Any stoners in your crew will instantly start complaining of "bad vibes" when you put on this CD. But anyone you're rolling with who's had a drop of booze will jump for joy at MOST of these songs (there are a few clunkers, which we'll get to later).

THE DRINKING ANTHEMS

 

Out of the 14 tracks, 5 of them are absolutely perfect Drinking Anthems. Let's go through them all:

Track 1, Tick Tick Boom -- It's loud in a skull crushing way. It's very very easy to sing along to, which means it's perfect for playing loudly at local "pub."  You can almost smell the dirty floor of the corner bar and can faintly hear glass breaking and people fighing in the background. Duck, there's a flying pool cue!

Track 2, Try It Again -- This one is an obvious stadium Drinking Anthem, including its very own shouting girls at the end. Here, the Hives channel AC DC and a dance party at the same time. The lyrics are also CLASSIC for a barroom singalong..."You get up, you get down and you try it again." That's both perfect for dudes after a night of striking out AND for guys who've had too much to drink and are just stumbling and falling down.

Track 4, Well All Right! -- With a chorus of voices singing throughout the song it's another drunken anthem. It's like Tub Thumping without the politics and bleach blonde hair. Probably great for right after you've downed your second drink...too slow for any further into the night, but too boisterous for when you're starting the evening. ....The song changes in the middle...piss break in a song, also, it's good for the one guy who brought his girlfriend (it's just quiet enough for him to slip in an "I love you baby" before resuming the debauchery). Ends with hand-clapping and yelping lyrics no can understand AKA perfect ending to a song.

Track 9, Return The Flavor -- One of the hardest tracks on an album of Hard songs. Channels The Ramones, but with one more chord change than they'd use. Another drunken sing along, this one should play ten minutes before last call while everyone's trying to finish off the pitcher (dude, you better not waste any beer).

Tack 11, Square One Here I Come--Wow these drinking anthems don't stop. This one stands out because of the use of cowbell. Put this on and you'll be hearing Christopher Walken and Will Ferrell impersonations the rest of the night.

 

MANLY DANCE CLUB MUSIC

 

The Hives fill out the rest of the album with six hard hitting but rather uptempo dance tracks...it's the kind of rock tune that will have even Hip Hop chicks shaking their asses.

Track 3, You got it all...wrong...melodic punk that turns into 80s synth rock...it's like if Adam Ant did speed and wrote a song for a stripper...perfect for driving after hitting the bar or club; sure it'll annoy the fuck out of the designated driver, but it's the perfect theme song for driving real fast to the nearest Denny's to use the pisser and buy ten orders of scrambled eggs at 4 AM.

Track 5, Hey Little World--This one is for a night club, not the bar...it's a pickin' up chicks soundtrack that would hit hard while you're downing your first drink (Jack and Coke, we're assuming). It's like The Killers without any whining whatsoever. It's danceable as hell but also loud enough that when you're done dancing, you'll be able to coax the hottie you're dancing with to retire to a quieter section of the club. Thanks, The Hives.

Track 7, Won't Be Long--The absolute poppiest song on the album...it's like Hey Little World, but more contained, more melodic and easier to understand the lyrics. This one is CLEARLY geared for getting the girl at a club (the giveaway of course being the lyrics "Won't be long/ and I gotta get it on"). This is the kind of song you sing along with a chick you've never met before and then, after it's done, go in for the kiss, which she'll probably dig.

Track 8, T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S. --The Neptunes-produced single from the album, it's the least Hives-like Hives song I've ever heard...it's like the Hives play "Hot in Herre" and mash it up with slow 80s arena rock. Though it's trying to be a club song, it's better suited as the "pre-gaming" track...perfect for playing quietly while doing up a round of beer pong and drunkenly looking for your keys.

Track 12, You Dress Up For Armageddon--This one is a crossover for The Hives--it's perfect for picking up chicks IN A BAR! Mashup!

Track 14, Bigger Hole To Fill--Another of their uptempo, dance club tracks. This one would play well in a New York club, an LA club a bit less so and in a Miami club, it'd clear the dance-floor. Meaning it's manly.

 

THE CLUNKERS ARE PROBABLY JOKES

 

The remaining three songs ("A Stroll Through Hive Manor Corridors," "Giddy Up!" and "Puppet On A String") are all downtempo, quiet songs with little to no singing and very, very low dynamics and energy levels. They're not horrible songs per se, but they absolutely don't fit on "The Black and White Album." Which leads us to believe that they're (most likely) thrown onto the album for two reasons--to add length to the CD (which might've been necessary because of contractual obligations in their record deal) and to add humor to the mix. When you've got an album of absolutely cut throat-brilliant drinking tunes, you've gotta assume the organ vibe out tracks are Easter Eggy jokes. Either that or The Hives were drunk as fuck when putting the album together (another very likely possibility, equally as bad ass).

 

BROS BEFORE HO'S

It's very, very rare to find an album THIS dedicated to male camaraderie these days. Even on their missteps, the Hives don't attempt to throw one on "for tha ladies," nor do they put on a slow jam that'd be perfect for some smoove-ass bumpin' n grindin'. The Hives, like The Queens Of The Stone Age before them, have made a mainstream rock album that's squarely pitched at drinking-aged males. That's pretty rare. And drinkin' aged males, you should thank them for that.

Check out The Hives' "Tick Tick Boom."