Real Men Love The Ninth Gate

JOHNNY DEPP

This film is a transition movie for Johnny Depp. He shot "The Ninth Gate" right at the tail end of his indie, "hey I want an Oscar" run but it saw him into his "ah, fuck it, I'm a big star" era, which he currently inhabits. Depp gives a great performance as Dean Corso, the shady book dealer. Probably too good for the film, actually. His nuanced and well balanced delivery are certainly worthy of a Roman Polanski film...too bad he couldn't have starred in one of Polanksi's higher profile flicks. What's great about Depp is his humanity in this role...Polanski surrounds him with caricatures, totally unbelievable stereotypes (from Lena Olin's evil Liana Telfer all the way down to the Indian cab driver) and Depp realistically responds to everyone as if they were on his level. The result is a surreal experience, as if we are seeing a real person being inserted into a thriller.  It's almost like we get to peek inside what it'd be like to be an ordinary person who just stumbles into someone else's detective story...and this surreal reality certainly works when depicting a hum drum book dealer falling into an international mystery involving murder, mayhem and Satan himself.  Speaking of which...

THE DEVIL

Real men love stuff involving the devil. Only pansies run away scared at the mention of the evil lord of the underworld. "Ohh, I don't want to gooo to Helll! Waah Waah!" Fuckin babies. The devil is old hat for Polanski, who gained worldwide notice for directing his masterpiece, "Rosemary's Baby," a film about a chick who gives birth to the devil's son. Just like with that movie, "The Ninth Gate" refuses to moralize when it comes to the devil...which, we know, is pretty weird. The film is about Depp's character searching for three copies of a book that is rumored to be coauthored by the devil because getting all three copies would allow the person possessing certain pages from each three books to enter the Ninth Gate and join the devil in hell. But strangely enough, this is seen as a good thing. You find yourself rooting for Depp as he gathers the pages...not to destroy them but, in the end, to conduct a satanic ritual and quietly enter the ninth gate. Yes, the protagonist of the film "wins" in the end by going to hell.  Pretty crazy right?

THE QUOTES

Just like all the movies on our "Real Men Love" list, "The Ninth Gate" has some memorable one liners that, after viewing the film with your friends, you'll find yourself repeating. The most memorable line comes after Depp's character screws Olin's character for the first time. As he's passed out in post-coitous bliss, she starts searching for the satanic book that's hidden somewhere in his apartment. When he doesn't help her look for the book, she snaps at him: "Don't fuck with me!" to which he replies, "I thought I already did." I've used that one whenever the situation presents itself with my girlfriend (for instance, if she can't find her underwear after we've done the nasty...she says "don't fuck with me" and...you get the idea). Another brilliant one liner that I didn't even understand when I first saw this film in high school happens at the end of the film. Depp is fighting Frank Langella's character, the evil Lucifer-obsessed Boris Balkan, when Balkan gets a good punch in and Depp's character falls through some floor boards. Balkan quickly responds: "Seems you've found your niche after all!" Punny! Get it? Cuz he fell in a hole, which is like his...niche.

THE CHICKS

Lena Olin and Polanksi's wife Emmanuelle Seigner are the vixens of the flick. Both are somewhat past their prime in the film but they both give ye old sausage some new blood for the same reason--they kick ass in a sexy manner. Olin, for instance, can't stop beating down Johnny Depp. Yeah, bitch, hit that pretty boy where it hurts. Seigner is on Depp's side but her character, The Girl (we never find out who she is or her name), looks super sexy while cruising on a motorcycle. Both chicks have simulated sex in the film as well and in both instances grind down like they're possessed wildebeests. That's frickin' hot.

THE BEST SCENE IN FILM HISTORY

When I saw this film in theaters, I nearly lost my shit when this scene came on. It is truly amazing and alone qualifies the film as an underrated classic.

 

 

Wow. Effing with people in wheelchairs on film is gully.

THE FILM ENDS WITH NO RESOLUTION

Here's where I might lose some of you. I think this movie has an amazing ending. Most people think it's a horrible ending. Basically, without giving out anything to those people who are gonna go watch the flick, nothing really gets resolved. But just like a good Cohen Brothers film, or "Time Bandits," that's what makes it good. Only babies need their mysteries wrapped up in a nice little package. What this movie is saying is, there was no point to begin with...it's a post modern anti-mystery tale...almost like the antithesis of "The Da Vinci Code." So if by Real Mean we mean Intelligent Dudes Who Love To Think, then Real Mean will LOVE "The Ninth Gate."