Real Men Love Lost Highway

 

 

 

Let's break the flick down and see why, exactly, Real Men Love Lost Highway.
 

ROBERT BLAKE

 

 

 

Robert Blake is one scary sommabitch. For those of you who blasted your short term memories with one too many swigs of moonshine, Blake is the creepy former Little Rascal star who most recently was suspected of offing his weirdo hick wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley. Dude was acquitted but was apparently so guilty the DA publicly called the jurors "incredibly stupid." And he was later OJ'd when he lost the wrongful death civil suit.

Anyways, this gruff gun-obsessed maniac gives the performance of his life as the Mystery Man, a dude who shows up to say incredibly creepy stuff right before people get killed. Check out a clip of this monster's mastery at work:

Lynch even gave Blake his own insanely creepy catch phrase: "We've met before, haven't we? At your house. Don't you remember? As a matter of fact, I'm there right now." Dude, that's some cold blooded shit for a guy to say to another guy. "I'm there right now"? That's creeping me out right now, as I'm writing this. Fucker. Check out some images and videos of him in creepy action.

 

 

 

 

The scariest place Blake pops up is in Bill Pullman's character Fred's dream, in this clip:

 

 

I nearly sharted all over my Joe Boxers when I saw that.

BILL PULLMAN

 

 

 

There's a short list of actors who, no matter what they're in, give a great manly performance. Bruce Willis is on this list. Christian Bale is on this list. Kurt Russell is almost on this list. And our leading man from Lost Highway, Bill Pullman, is on this list. The only truly questionable credit on his IMDB is his lame turn in the Sandra Bullock vehicle While You Were Sleeping. But his creepy performances in The Last Seduction, Zero Effect and Lost Highway more than make up for that lapse in judgment.

Dude is better at playing slightly confused loners than anyone else. And he's in perfect form as Fred Madison in Lost Highway.

THE FILM COMPLETELY CHANGES HALF WAY THROUGH

You ever get drunk and/or high with your friends and put on, say, a comedy and start making fun of the film and one of you goes, "Dude, you know what'd be awesome? If all of sudden this shit turned into a horror film!" Well, David Lynch and your one weirdo friend have a lot in common, because Lost Highway basically does just what your buddy suggested right around the halfway mark.

Fred, while watching TV in a strange room, sees himself murdering his wife on the screen. Then next thing you know, he's in jail waiting execution for doing what he just saw. Then, on the eve of his execution, the dude screams out and his soul (or something) gets transfered to some young guy named Pete Dayton (played adequately by Balthazar "Young Guns II" Getty) and the movie now has a totally different set of characters and plot (though Robert Blake's Mystery Man remains constant in both... shiver).

This change-up will totally piss off your spouse or girlfriend. Which might be the intent because after the shit changes up, the gore and nudity is amped up. Speaking of which...

POINTLESS VIOLENCE AND NUDITY

 

 

Before you put this flick on, let me give you a fair warning. If you're a fan of shit like a "plot" and "stuff making sense," then this might not be the movie for you. But if you like an endless stream of weird, bad-ass scenes featuring random acts of violence and nudity, then you're the audience David Lynch was thinking of when he was crafting this insane masterpiece.

The gore in this flick just comes out of nowhere. The aforementioned Bill Pullman murder isn't just a simple Scott Peterson-style fatal beat down... dude rips his wife in half. Check this out:

Also, a guy, towards the end, gets knocked over onto a glass table. Rather than simply imply he got hurt or even realistically depict him getting fucked up or killed by the table's edge, Lynch goes one step farther and has the motherfucker's entire wig split.

Ouch.

 

There are a lot of boobages in the movie, but my favorite pair belongs to the leading lady, Patricia Arquette. She shows 'em often and graces us with some bun 'n' simulated sex action as well. And we thank her kindly.

How does Ms. Arquette's nudity serve the film at all? Fuck if I know. But you better be sure the screencaps I took now rest comfortably in my hard drive's "Private Work STufF" folder.

 

WEIRD-AS-FUCK CAMEOS

 

 Like Gary Busey, Henry Rollins, Richard Pryor (in his last scripted film role) and Marilyn Manson and former Manson band-mate Twiggy as the male stars of a snuff film. Speaking of Manson...

 

A BAD ASS SOUNDTRACK

The inclusion of Manson, first off, is far better than you'd think. This IS 1997, after all... when Manson was at his peak. Throw in some original recordings from Trent Reznor and, in the what many consider the venue that broke them stateside, a couple of supremely well-placed Rammstein tracks and you've got the perfect late 90s hard rock backdrop for a gonzo boob and gore fest.

 

 

IT HAS SOME MEMORABLE-ASS QUOTES

Any film that Real Men Love HAS to be packed wall-to-wall with memorable quotable quote-ems. Lost Highway, despite its status as an "art film," does NOT fail to deliver. Outside of the aforementioned "catch phrase" that Lynch gives Robert Blake, a line repeated by several characters that should be part of any manly mofo's lexicon is: "Fucker gets more pussy than a toilet seat." That line is fucking awesome.

The other super memorable dialogue comes to pass during Mr. Eddy (Robert Loggia)'s "Driving Lesson" scene. Check this out:

 

 

Next time a motherfucker tries to tailgate you, whip out your piece and start schooling his ass, "Lost Highway" style.

IT'S LEGITIMATELY SCARY

Unlike most horror flicks and thrillers, David Lynch movies generally offer actual chills. The combination of an ominous soundtrack, a totally fuct cast (again, Robert Blake!) and a completely disorienting style of film making will leave you looking over your shoulder, especially if you view this one at night.

This movie fucking rules. If you haven't seen it yet, get to it before you get your Man Card revoked.