Raising The Bar: Situations A Wingman Should Never Be Put In

1 vs. 5  a.k.a.  Earning Your Ace Stripes

I cannot stress this point enough. A Wingman should NEVER be sent to interrupt a group of girls, usually five or more, to spark up a conversation for you. No matter how hot you think that girl is, you, my good friend, are going to have to fly in with your Wingman. Having to entertain five people -- especially girls -- you've never met before is extremely hard to pull off. So, unless your Wingman is a celebrity, the odds are going to be heavily against him. Remember that in war, you're only as strong as the person next to you, so get in there with him and mix it up.  

The Homing Pigeon

You're a bit shy, maybe even lacking in self-confidence, but there is no reason to send messages through your Wingman. This should NEVER happen. It is going to look pretty silly if your Wingman is walking back and forth in your stead to gather up information for you. No matter how noble or willing a Wingman is, this scenario will not close the deal for you. The minute she finds out you are sending messages through your friend, you can pretty much give up right there. This isn't 3rd grade homey. You both need to walk over and have him entertain her ugly fat crippled friend.

He Is Not A Chauffeur

Your Wingman should NEVER be your chauffeur. It's one thing for your Wingman to hang low while you chat up your P.O.A. for the evening, but having him drive you and your lady friend around, well, that is just absurd. There is no reason for your Wingman to even be in the same car with the two of you, unless you're going to have him film a sex tape. Your Wingman already bit the bullet when he let you get the prize of the evening, so why make him endure the proceedings leading up to your fuckfest when he can just go home and snuggle up with a brewski. Have a heart.

A Wingman Should Fly Point Every Once In A While

You and your Wingman are on a mission, but you crash-landed. Except, there's a slight problem: your Wingman is actually interested in this chickie and she is reciprocating. The "Point to Wingman Reverse-a-roo" just happened and you need to be prepared. It is now your job to big up your boy, and let him fly. It's not always going to be about you, because the law of averages proved that earlier in the night with your five previous attempts. Just hold your ground and run interference until he's sealed the deal. Don't be a dick.

POW with No "Exit Strategy" 

This is quite possibly the worst scenario that your Wingman should NEVER find himself in. Girlies are entering your venue throughout the night, so you know going in that you need some sort of exit strategy regardless of the outcome. Not having one is just plain stupid. Having to stand there with your boy, be shot down in embarrassing fashion, and having to leave the situation in an awkward silent manner is only going to trickle into your other conquests. So give yourself some sort of exit strategy even if it has to do with spilling your beer on the floor near their shoes and watching them slip and fall. (Not that I've tried this tactic before...)

I'd also like to take this time and present to you the greatest beer commercial ever made:

If anyone has any other situations or funny stories they would like to add, please add them in the comments below.