Raising the Bar: Drinks to Avoid Like the Plague

But we digress. At the moment of truth when you call out your shot, there is some cause for caution when ordering. Depending on how drunk you are to begin with, picking the wrong kind of shot can be dangerous - sending you from that happy drunk place you currently inhabit to some dark evil place. Oh yeah, and it can also taste fucking disgusting.

Trust us, we’ve been there. And the idea of this story was to go to a bar and drink each of these shots so that you, kind and gentle reader, wouldn’t have to. Yeah, well, after narrowing the list a bit, there was NO WAY IN HELL we were going to do that. And you’ll see why. 

These are the worst drinks/shots even we won’t drink, not even if you paid us. So, if you hear someone order you any of these shots for you, refuse at all cost. And then question your friendship or relationship with whoever ordered it for you.

Cement Mixer

This one is a classic. It’s one shot of Bailey’s, followed by a shot of lime juice. While both are in your mouth, you shake your head like a cement mixer (hence the name, get it?). And this is when some chemistry takes over and the lime juice curdles in your mouth turning it into a coagulate mess of goo. It’s also known as the “cum” shot... for obvious reasons. 

1 part Bailey’s

1 part lime juice (or juice from a lime)

Three Wisemen (and Their Crazy Cousin)

This one is a well-known drink as well, but the crazy cousin adds a nasty twist. The classic is Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Johnnie Walker. Gross in and of itself, adding the Jose Cuervo (the crazy cousin) is a south-of-the-border stomach-flu twist. Another horrific concoction. Drink at your own risk 
 
1 part Jack Daniels 
1 part Jim Beam 
1 part Johnnie Walker 
1 part Jose Cuervo (the crazy cousin)

The Black Death

Why can’t Asian people make a good shot? I guess you work with what you have. And this one is simply a shot of vodka with a dash of soy sauce (low or regular sodium). For some added fun, make it a bomber and drop it in a glass of beer. That won’t help the flavor, though, and you’ll just have more to drink. 

1 part Vodka

1 dash soy sauce

The Hiroshima

Not very complicated and racist as hell, this shot is bad all the way down to an atomic level. This is a shot of Sake, but before you take it down you ash a cigarette in it. Hmm, putrid and cancerous at the same time. Very much love you long time if you keep this one down. Tastes kind of like a wet ashtray. Not that we’ve know what that tastes like… ahem. 

1 part Sake

1 part ash from cigarette

The Green Chartreuse

Touted as an “acquired taste” over time, we don’t have that much time and we really don’t want to acquire a taste for this green liquid. Its claim to fame is that it’s the only naturally green colored liquor in existence as if that's somehow a virtue. This is the kind booze you buy a bottle of, have one drink and find it years later with only that first drink missing. 

As many parts as you can stomach of Chartreuse

Acid Rain

Much like the real thing that falls from the sky, the shit in this drink will tear your stomach apart. The worst part is that if you’re not careful, it tears you up on the way out as well. And we’re talking both ends here. Nasty. 

1 part Bacardi

1 part 151

1 part gin

1 part scotch

1 part tequila

1 part Tabasco sauce

The Foreigner

This is a drink with the following items: Galliano, Ouzo, Dr. McGillicuddy's mentholated schnapps, Bacardi 151, tomato juice, grapefruit juice, milk. Mix in a glass and attempt to drink. The only thing not foreign to you will be what the toilet looks like. Even on paper this drink is disgusting. 

1 part Galliano

1 part Ouzo

1 part Dr. McGillicuddy’s

1 Bacardi 151 

1 part tomato juice

1 part grapefruit juice 

1 part milk

Natural Born Killer

Just drop a shot of Everclear in a half-pint of Natural Light and pound it (a la Irish Car Bomb or Jager Bomb).  We're talking about taking two of the worst things to drink imaginable, combining them and then consuming them as quickly as possible. Just hope they don’t exit as fast as they enter. 

1 part Everclear

1 half-pint Natural Light

Bloody Tampon

This is tomato juice and vodka, which together really isn’t that bad. But as usual, there’s a twist, and with a name like the Bloody Tampon, you know it won’t be good. Once you mix the vodka and juice, you have to put a bar napkin in it and suck the shot off of it, like -- you guessed it -- a bloody tampon.  

1 part vodka

1 part tomato juice

1 part napkin

Jersey Turnpike (mat shot)

If someone orders you this shot they really, really, REALLY don’t like you. It goes by many names, but only one result. This is a shot of all the run off, spills and general muck that collects in the bar mats on the edge of the bar. Usually ordered for patrons that are so drunk off their ass they can’t taste anything anyway, the thought of this garbage shot (or, in some cases, a full pint glass) is enough to make us sick just thinking about it.  

1 part residue

1 part testicular fortitude