8. Because liquor before beer… blah, blah, blah.

This is an all around rule for drinking and, honestly, I think it's bullshit. The order in which you introduce beer and liquor into your stomach doesn't make a damn bit of difference, but I believe this saying may be something of an alcohol placebo. If people drink this way, they will believe that their stomach will ward off the pain and -- whoda thunk it -- that actually happens. Regardless, continue to ingest that Tequila before beer and you will be safe, as long as you keep telling yourself that. 

7. To avoid the worm.

Tequila is commonly associated with the worm inside each bottle, but you should avoid eating it at all costs. If the Tequila shots are coming at the beginning of the night, your task will be easier.

There are a lot of misconceptions about eating the worm: no, it won't make you hallucinate; and no, it won't impress the ladies. The number one reason you shouldn't eat the worm is because it is an agave worm, or a fucking butterfly larvae. Neither a sober nor semi-sober person on this planet would ever consider eating a baby butterfly. Please, think of the butterflies.

6. To enjoy the burn.

You know how you can get your ass kicked when you're completely drunk and not realize it until you wake up with bruises the next day? The same concept applies to Tequila. It burns like a mother fucker when going down, and that's something to be enjoyed. If you are schlotzed out of your mind at the end of the night pounding Tequila, it is simply a waste.

5. To maximize the body shot. 

See that framed restraining order on your wall? You may not remember, but that was the result of a failed body shot at the end of the night. It's an odd fact, but no matter how drunk a girl is, it is pretty tough for her to mess up a body shot. Salt on breasts, check; lime in mouth, check. Now for a guy -- one bad body shot quickly turns into sexual assault and you are fucked (or not, depending on which is the opposite of your goal).

If you wait until the end of the night to begin body shot festivities, there is only trouble to be had. Come on, man. This is your chance to get your foot in the door with that girl you have been chasing all through the bar, don't fuck it up by being blitzed when it's time for body shots.

4. Because there's no classy way to drunkenly order tequila.

Tequila is a word that doesn't really roll off the tongue, at least when plastered. If you are sober and trying to order some top shelf tequila, it can be done with grace, but at the end of the night, the only tequila to drink goes by the name Jose, and at that point all of your dignity is already gone. Leave the Jose to the college kids and their Three Wise Men, or whatever, and stick to the top shelf at the beginning of the night.

3. Because tequila turns normal drunk into special drunk.

I tried to contact 2005 Nobel prize winning chemist Robert H. Grubbs on the specifics of this "problem," but he was unavailable for comment so I'll take a stab at it myself.

You know the regular drunk you get from a bunch of beer and whiskey and stuff? Well, if you throw tequila on top of that, your world gets fucked up.

2. Because there's nothing wrong with being a cheap date.

Your friends may razz you at the end of the night, but fuck them. They're the pigeons who just dropped $80 on six beers. Starting out a night with a handful of tequila shots is like getting a 400 mile head start in the Indianapolis 500. It's a quick and easy way to get well on your way to wasted, because tequila of all colors and flavors will knock your ass to the ground.

1. Because being able to survive the night is nice.

There is something about Tequila. The agave gods wanted to make sure that the peons paid the ultimate price if they dared tried to end the night with it. The punishment can come in a lot of ways, but most commonly it comes with sleepless nights due to vomiting and/or sexual encounters that will haunt you and your penis for quite some time. I guess some people do enjoy sleeping in gutters and waking up in a neighboring country on a llama.  If you're one of them, by all means, end your night with tequila.