These are people that we want to go toe to toe with. No shoes, no shirts. The fights will continue for as long as the participants have fight left in them. Sure, we may not win them all. We don’t care. It’s not about that. It’s about getting a crack at the douchebaggery that “celebrities” have allowed themselves to lapse into.

So, with any luck, the next time we see you, you'll be stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.  And there, in the morning stink, you'll run into one of these lucky contestants. Let’s get it on.

Tom Cruise  (category: rich white guy)

Ellen (category: talk show host)

Another talk show “queen,” Ellen presents so many reasons to be fought that it's not even funny. Speaking of not funny, Ellen’s claim to fame was her “comedy” act, which netted her a sitcom. From there, she followed in the big “O’s” footsteps and is currently hosting her own talk show. What she talks about, we have no idea and we really don’t care, as you wouldn’t catch us dead watching her show. But what really makes us want to go toe-to-toe (besides her absurd dancing) with her is that she was actually dating the delicious Portia de Rossi. Sure, it was probably just to boost their respective TV shows ratings, but the thought of Ellen and Portia bumping uglies is, well, ugly.  Let's go, Ellen.  I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Jonathan Antin (category: "reality" TV star)

Everyone and their brother has their own TV show these days. So, let us introduce you to Jonathan Antin, the only self-proclaimed bad-ass who is a hair stylist. Sorry, bro. You can claim to be as tough and as hard as anyone you want, but when the day is done, you're still a fucking hair stylist.  Granted, Jonathan isn’t the smallest of dudes out there and may actually give us a run for our money, we just can’t stand his endless yapping about hair-care and his eponymous beauty products. And how much does this douchebag charge for a haircut? For you, it’s ONLY $750 at the salon and $1000 for a house call. Ever hear of Supercuts? At least there we wouldn’t have to listen to him talk.  Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.

Cameron Bright (category: child/teen actor)

Howie Schwab (category: non-athlete who wishes he was an athlete)

If you don’t know who Howie Schwab is, you’re not alone. He’s best known as the sports trivia expert and final adversary on ESPN's game show, Stump the Schwab. He’s also the resident “Couch Potato” on ESPN's First Take show, apparently. We’ve never seen it and we’re not firing up the TIVO anytime soon.  We have seen Stump the Schwab, however, and there’s nothing in this world more pathetic than his ridiculous amount of sports knowledge. This dude is the guy you want with you at the bar when you just have to know who holds the record for most home runs hit on Tuesdays in June. But that display of crazy knowledge or memory is just plain annoying. And so is he. Besides, Schwab has bitch tits.