Professional Begging: First World EditionBy Damien on September 11, 2013 - 4:27 am |
You know those guys that wear shabby
clothing and conveniently wait to harass folks driving out of grocery
stores or fast food drive-thrus? Well, they’re “probably” legit
bums, but some people make begging a career—and they might make
more than you do.
Since our regular reader base doesn't have a large demographic of homosexuals, we'll assume that you don't know who “Magic Cyclops” is. Pictured above is a guy who was a contestant on American Idol and, as you might guess, didn't win the show. He was actually blown out on his first try in front of the panel of ever-rotating judges (we miss Paula's alcoholic antics... not that we watch American Idol or anything) when he set off confetti to blow out of the front of his pants—trust us, this isn't a good way to win competitions or meet girls.
Anyway, old Magic there read a book about how professional beggers—panhandlers, bums, whatever you want to call them—actually can make a handsome living to the tune of $30,000 or more per year. Magic decided to leave music behind and started begging for a living.
Sadly, this is a massive step up in his career.
Begging For Boobs
Pictured above is a young lady who takes skankery to a whole new level: the story here is pretty obvious. Yes, this chick is begging on the street for “donations” to her breast implant fund. Chrissy Lance (yeah, because that's not a porn star name or anything) isn't homeless, but she doesn't make enough money at her bartending job—probably because of them itty bitty little titties.
Begging for a Sugar Momma
This guy has the right idea. Forget taking care of some slovenly ingrate that wants to do nothing but squirt out your kids so she can divorce you a couple of years later and get alimony plus child support payments so she can fund her Jenny Craig subscription so she loses all of the weight that she gained while she was with you so that she can find a new guy to entrap in her spider's web of lies and deceit and slowly devour his soul too until he feels like he's nothing more than a dried up little shell of what he used to be devoid of dreams or happiness or any reason to live whatsoever. SCREW YOU SARAH.
Wait, what were we talking about?