Problem SOLVED! The Writers' Strike

The writers' guild strike is something, it's safe to say, that nobody wanted.  The writers lose any prospective income while they strike, the production companies have to triple their slate of fake reality or play the same reruns you can see on TNT at 4am, and the fans have to either watch that trash or try to re-learn how to skip rope while forcefully crying about the imminent postponement of Lost. 

So, then:  if everyone loses without an agreement, why can't they just come to an agreement and be done with it?  From the studio's perspective, wouldn't it be better to actually have programming to sell?  And, from the writers' perspective, do you really need to have enough money to eat food in the future?  Don't you think there'll be some sort of government regulated automated nutrition system by then?  Because that's what I'm banking on.  I'm definitely not banking on, you know, banks.

At any rate, it would seem that both sides may be motivated by that most destructive of all impulses:  pride.  It's not really hubris yet, I don't think, but you could certainly make the argument that both sides are tempting fate, and that -- while they bicker over residuals -- their entire audience will jump ship to video games or websites or exercise, and neither screenwriters nor big production companies will ever return to industry dominance again.  I personally don't see that happening, so for now, we'll just call it pride.  Nevertheless, as Marcellus Wallace once famously said:  "Fuck pride."

Easier said than done.  Pride is a weaselly beast.  It's not easily cornered or routed out or -- as seems to be the goal -- fucked.  No one is really immune to it.  But wait:  is that really true?  Certainly, there has to be a group of people who are immune to pride.  There must be a group from whom we can learn how to completely eliminate any unhealthy vestige of ego or vanity.

Indeed, there is such a group.  They are called drug addicts, and there is nothing too shameful for them to bring upon themselves as long as it's accompanied by a fix.

We've been fighting the so-called War on Drugs in this country since the Reagan Administration, and they're still all over the place.  It's about time we put them to real, productive use.  We must focus our efforts on delivering these drugs to the people who need to be stripped of their pride.  In so doing, we would not only be getting drugs off the streets and out of the hands of our children, the intestines of our drug mules and the bongs of our terminally ill; we would be getting them to the place where they will be most effective in reducing the inhibitions of both parties to such a place that, when they cry out for more, they will have no choices save either to suffer or to give us a collective bl- I mean, to sign an agreement.  This arrangement would have the associated benefit of improving the quality of our shows and movies, as everyone knows that drugs enhance creativity while diminishing the need-for-anything-other-than-drugs.

There you have it, the flawless solution to one of the least life threatening -- yet most quality-of-life threatening -- problems of our day. 

Seriously, though:  no Lost?  What the fuck.