Observations About Women: DoubleViking Style

Observation #1: They Like to Talk Dirty

According to the erudite scientists at Playboy magazine, a survey indicates that women like to talk dirty in the sack more than guys do. Never you mind the idea that the women who would reply to a Playboy survey are, undoubtedly, of a certain...caliber. Even so, this is quite plausible since as men we're quite visual creatures, whereas women are more conversational and, of course, we all know how much they love to talk about their feelings. No wonder they read those trashy “romance” novels (AKA: porn for chicks).

Observation #2: They Want to Date Mind Readers

“Are you okay?” you ask, your eyes wide with the concern that only a man fearing the future of his nether regions could muster. A fat, ugly silence weighs heavily in the air. After what seems like an eternity, she replies, “I'm fine,” and stares at you bitterly, her lip barely concealing the curl of a savage, prehistoric snarl.

Sound familiar?

So as it turns out, women generally aren't “just fine” when they say they are. Your choices are to run, run like hell, or to wait it out. She'll explode eventually, and by god, you'll know what you supposedly did wrong.

Observation #3: The First Man They Saw Naked Was a Eunuch

Do you remember the first time you saw an image of a naked woman? Depending on how old you are, it was probably in your dad's hidden stack of Playboy magazines (assuming your dad was normal, otherwise it was Hustler). Do you know what most girl's first exposure was to a naked man? A Ken doll (assuming her dad was normal). This means that since a very young age, women thought that men came pre-castrated, and that's why they spend the rest of their adult lives trying to finish the job that Barbie started.

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