03.21.07 From the Viking
New Hollywood Sluts
We're tired of the same old trashy celebrity chicks getting ripped on drugs and flashing their vag for the cameras. Lindsy, Paris, we get it…you like to shave your gash. That's great. Now, get that herpes sore removed from the left lip and put some goddamn panties on. I think it's time we got some NEW slutty starlets to laugh at/bate to. So we've compiled our list of young Hollywood chicks who BETTER start downing the pills and dropping their skirts real soon.
ASHLEY TISDALE: 
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits For the Camera: She's got good tits, for starts. She stars in the most wholesome of movies and shows possible and it's always the most wholesome chicks who are the closet freaks.
Why She Won't: She's 21 and has yet to show off the goods; her Wikipedia entry says she's "drug free." What a bitch.
JO JO:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: She's a dead ringer for Lohan. She's a Hip Hop singer, so we can at least expect some Beyonce-level sluttiness. Her videos are pretty lewd for an underage girl.
Why She Won't: Mandy Moore used to have promise too...and look what happened to her--a RESPECTABLE career. That beyotch.
CAMILLA BELLE:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: She's cut from the Kirsten Dunst "indie" coth and Dunt's been a drugged out tit flasher as of late, so we might be in luck.
Why She Wont: She appeared in the ScarJo/Keira Knightley issue of "Vanity Fair"--FULLY CLOTHED! Hello?!
ELISHA CUTHBERT:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: First off, she's been hanging with the right crowd--AKA Paris Hilton. So it seems bound to happen. Plus, she's the inspiration for that new Timberlake song "What Goes Around," meaning she cheated on her boyfriend. That dirty little...let's see the vag!
Why She Won't: She managed to play a porn star in "Girl Next Door" and not come anywhere close to getting naked--so...we might be fucked.
DAKOTA and ELLE FANNING:
Reasons They'll Flash Their Tits: First off, Dakota gets raped in her new movie. So, she's obviously got issues--the kind of issues that can only be resolved by downing a pint of tequila and fingering your own butt in front of the paparazzi. Plus--they're sisters and I think Paris and Nicky and Mary Kate and Ashley have shown us that where there's sisters, there's drug-infused thong flashing.
Why They Won't: They will. Too bad they're so nasty looking.
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits For the Camera: She's got good tits, for starts. She stars in the most wholesome of movies and shows possible and it's always the most wholesome chicks who are the closet freaks.
Why She Won't: She's 21 and has yet to show off the goods; her Wikipedia entry says she's "drug free." What a bitch.
JO JO:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: She's a dead ringer for Lohan. She's a Hip Hop singer, so we can at least expect some Beyonce-level sluttiness. Her videos are pretty lewd for an underage girl.
Why She Won't: Mandy Moore used to have promise too...and look what happened to her--a RESPECTABLE career. That beyotch.
CAMILLA BELLE:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: She's cut from the Kirsten Dunst "indie" coth and Dunt's been a drugged out tit flasher as of late, so we might be in luck.
Why She Wont: She appeared in the ScarJo/Keira Knightley issue of "Vanity Fair"--FULLY CLOTHED! Hello?!
ELISHA CUTHBERT:
Reasons She'll Flash Her Tits: First off, she's been hanging with the right crowd--AKA Paris Hilton. So it seems bound to happen. Plus, she's the inspiration for that new Timberlake song "What Goes Around," meaning she cheated on her boyfriend. That dirty little...let's see the vag!
Why She Won't: She managed to play a porn star in "Girl Next Door" and not come anywhere close to getting naked--so...we might be fucked.
DAKOTA and ELLE FANNING:
Reasons They'll Flash Their Tits: First off, Dakota gets raped in her new movie. So, she's obviously got issues--the kind of issues that can only be resolved by downing a pint of tequila and fingering your own butt in front of the paparazzi. Plus--they're sisters and I think Paris and Nicky and Mary Kate and Ashley have shown us that where there's sisters, there's drug-infused thong flashing.
Why They Won't: They will. Too bad they're so nasty looking.
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Ty
03/30/2009 10:32
That Ashely is hotter than hell !
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