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Movie Merchandise From Hell: Demolition Man Action Figures

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Not every movie deserves a line of action figures, but lord knows if there's a buck to be made, someone's gonna make it. Movie Merchandise from Hell deals primarily with action figures, vehicles, and playsets from movies that didn't merit a line of toys, but can also cover generally horrific merchandising decisions. This week, we're looking at the 1993 R-rated sci-fi action flick Demolition Man starring Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes, which had a line of action figures and vehicles despite its prohibitive rating.

Toy companies are cheap, and rampant re-use of previously sculpted toys was a huge problem in the 90s. Kenner's entire Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves line was a repurposing of figures and playsets from both the Star Wars and Super Powers line of toys. Therefore it should come as no surprise to find out that Mattel repurposed a bunch of existing sculpts from their New Adventures of He-Man line to create these super shitty Demolition Man figures.

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Like most toy lines in the 90s, the assortment was mostly made up of endless variants of the two main characters—Stallone's John Spartan and Snipes' Simon Phoenix—along with two, count 'em, two other figures: One generic soldier and one of Denis Leary's stupid character. Let's take a look, shall we...

John Spartan

Spartan received four variants...

Battle Baton Spartan

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Bazooka Attack Spartan

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Combat Cannon Spartan

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Kick Fighting Spartan 

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The Battle Baton figure is a straight up repaint of New Adventures He-Man with a Stallone head sculpt. They even gave him the fucking armor with the slot in the back to hold the power sword he doesn't fucking come with...

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Simon Phoenix

Because he's the villain, Phoenix only got two variants compared to Spartan's four...

Blast Attack Phoenix

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Flame Throwing Phoenix

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Blast Attack Phoenix there is a re-use of Vizar from NA He-Man, who I feel compelled to point out, was also the only black dude in the NA line...

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Then there's the other two guys...

Battle Hook Friendly

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Rather than invest in a Denis Leary headsculpt, however, they just straight repainted Tatarus, aka Kayo, from the NA He-Man line...

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Look at that, they even kept Denis Leary's famous flat-top from the movie...

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Oh wait, nevermind.

 

Finally we have, not a Sandy Bullock or even a Rob Schneider figure, but...

Cryo Claw Tech

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Remember, from all those famous scenes in the movie? Yeah, me neither? He's also a redux of Flipshot from NA He-Man....

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Finally, the line had two vehicles...

Spartan's Fast Blast 442

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The Bolajet

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Now, that Bolajet is another straight repaint of a NA He-Man vehicle which was called... The Bolajet. That's just brazen.

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Believe it or not, there was even a toy commercial for these figures....

 

Which, of course, makes me think of this SNL commercial parody...

 

So there you have it. Demolition Man had toys and they sucked, end of story.


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Steve Attanasie

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