Manliest Moments in Sports

Football:

Late in the 1985 NFL season, perennial All-Pro Ronnie Lott suffered an excruciating injury that turned his pinky finger into a hot dog filled with bone fragments. Now, most athletes would think about their future, think about taking the doctor’s advice and getting a pin inserted in the finger so the bone could heal. Not Ronnie Lott. No, instead he had them amputate the tip of the finger. Just cut the sucker right off. He didn’t miss a play. Besides this injury, he also played with torn cartilage in his knee and a cracked tibia. But both those are pussy injuries.

Todd Macfarlane's Ronnie Lott figure with shortened pinkie finger  

Honorable Mention:

Jimmy Hitchcock—In keeping with the finger theme, the former Vikings cornerback had the tip of his nearly ripped off during a game, had it stitched up at halftime, and went on to make an interception in the 2nd half. Sadly, Jimmy Hitchcock was later stoned to death by Vikings fans who realized that their secondary was the reason they could never get anywhere in the playoffs even though they had the best receiver on the planet. Oh, and Gary Fucking Anderson.

Anyone who played football in 1905—In 1905, 18 football players died from injuries sustained during games. They probably should have worn helmets. Just saying. 

Baseball:

On the eve of Game 1 of the 1988 World Series, Kirk Gibson could barely move.  His knee was so badly injured that he didn't show up to the game for introductions.  But in the ninth inning, with the Dodgers trailing 4-3 and two outs, Gibson came up to the plate to pinch hit with a man on first.  As he stood in the on deck circle, he almost fell down while taking his practice swings.  Dennis Eckersley, best known for  giving up a home run to Richard Marx in the "Take This Heart"  video, was on the hill for Oakland. 

Gibson ran the count to 3-2, and then turned on the seventh pitch of the at-bat to hit a ball into the right field bleachers.  Gibson hobbled around the base path and then stomped on home plate to win the game for the Dodgers 5-4.

Jack Buck's Call (http://www.wjbc.com/media/buck4.MP3)

Youtube Vid with crappy Eve 6 song 

 

Honorable Mention:

Jose Canseco—He once went into a burning building and saved a woman’s baby, her dog, her washing machine, and most of her appliances. This video has nothing to do with that:

 

Randy Johnson—Randy Johnson decides to man up and show flying creatures everywhere that they shouldn't get in the way of his holy fastball of death. 

 

Basketball:

 

In the 1999 NCAA Championship, Michigan State was a 1 seed playing 13 seed Oklahoma. Oklahoma's star player, Eduardo Najera, set a routine pick in the backcourt as Mateen Cleaves was pressing. Cleaves had his head down, and because of that he smashed into Najera, delivering a vicious head-butt to Najera’s chin. Najera slumped to the ground and lay unresponsive for 90 seconds while blood gurgled out of his chin and lip. He was diagnosed with a concussion, and his coach sent him to the locker room with 9:30 to play. At the 4:25 mark, Najera emerged from the locker room with six stitches in his lip, a head full of cotton candy, and a bruised sternum. While Najera’s team ultimately lost, he distinctly remembers saving the princess that day, even though we all know she was in another castle.

Honorable Mention: 

Nate Robinson —Every time someone watches this video, a dissident in China dies because of Yao’s shame..

Wilt Chamberlain—Had sex with 20,000 women while alive. Given his shoe size, he most likely shish-kabobed 50 of them.

Hockey: 

Hockey is probably the Manliest sport out of all these, what with the checking and the punching and the five-holing. Maybe not the five-holing. So, while there were hundreds of deserving entries, this one was chosen from outside the NHL.  Gordie Howe was 47 years old in 1975.

He was playing for the WHA’s Houston Aeros on a team with his sons Marty and Mark, and he still had something left in the tank. On December 2, 1975, Gordie scored a goal, high sticked an opponent, and pushed a ref to earn himself an early shower. Sure, there was no fight involved, and no checking, but Gordie Howe was 47 years old. That’s like getting a x10 multiplier to whatever he does.

 

Honorable Mention: 

Alexei Kovalev —He got elbowed in the face by Darcy Tucker, and instead of being a pussy and complaining to the refs, corralled the puck, then skated towards Tucker.  As he approached him, he pretended to lose the puck, and when Tucker looked down to get it, Kovalev special delivered a forearm to Tucker's face. Watch it here:

Darcy Tucker —He was the bitch, now he’s the butch. In a game vs. the Flyers, Darcy crushed Sami Kapanen into the boards so hard that Sami’s future kids have reserved seats on the short bus.

Tennis/Golf/Bowling:

Pete Sampras decided that he wasn’t going to lose in the '96 US Open. In his quarterfinal match against Alex Corretja, Sampras battled exhaustion during the longest match of the Open that year,  puking his guts out in the middle of the final set. The umpire gave him a delay warning, which meant that Sampras had to continue the match without going over and washing the vomit taste out of his mouth. The match went to a tiebreaker, and Sampras’s 2nd serve ace all-but-clinched it. Corretja double-faulted to lose the match, and Sampras went on to marry Bridgette Wilson, who totally made out with Billy Madison. 

 

 

Start at the 4:45 mark of the video

Honorable Mention: 

Roy Munson—He overcame his hand getting torn off in a bowling ball returner, his vomiting after giving oral pleasure to his landlady, and his run-in with Randy Quaid’s nipples to come in second to Ernie McCracken at the Reno Bowling Championship and earn an endorsement deal with Trojan condoms.

Tiger Woods—Tiger won the Bay Hill Invitational in 2003 by 11 strokes while battling food poisoning and puking throughout the entire final round. If he had to carry his own clubs, this would be up there with Sampras. Sadly, this food poisoning seemed to be the last straw for Tiger’s wearied body, as he has done nothing since then.

Do you agree with these choices?  Think we left someone off the list?  Chew us out in the comments section.