Man Tech: The High Tech Cheater

 

STOP HER FROM FINDING OUT

The obvious thing to do if you're gonna cheat on your wifey is to stop her from finding out from the start. The most obvious way girls find out about cheating these days is on your computer. So put a password on your computer (obviously) and start keeping track of both who's been logging in and and who's been trying to log in. Get a hardware keylogger for that. You're probably gonna screw up and leave your computer logged in, so just in case, make sure your email program and preferred chat programs have extra security on them. Blah blah, this is all the typical stuff you should do. You can also get a dedicated alarm for your computer that even has a motion sensor.  Now if she has a suspicion that you're cheating and she finds an alarm on your computer (and several passwords standing in her way of logging in), this will only deepen her suspicions. BUT...she'll have no proof.

Another way she could find out is by checking your cell phone. You should remember to keep all the passwords, etc. on your phone. But, unfortunately, a bunch of spy shops sell this thing called a Cell Phone Spy Data Extractor. What this does is plug into your phone's data port and then extracts info from the SIM card. So to combat this thing from working...take your SIM card with you (if you're gonna be stupid enough to leave your phone lying around).

Another popular item at these spy shops is a USB Phone Call Recorder. The obvious way to combat anything going down here is to avoid the house line entirely when you're calling your hussy.

There's also this thing called the "Check Mate Semen Detection Kit." It purports to being able to find semen stains on your clothes. This "Detection Kit" (along with a black-light kit) can be a menace because lord knows where your semen's gotten to. So, carry a Tide To Go Pen around when you're all up in the guts of your home-wrecking slut.

STOP HER FROM CATCHING YOU

There are a bunch of ways she's gonna try to catch you in the act. The really popular method now is to put a GPS tracker in your car (or in your jacket, etc). Look at this reallly sneaky GPS device they're selling now.  It's a damn PEN! That's low. And it's something you're probably going to get tricked into taking. So how do you throw off the chance of being tracked on GPS? Well, for one, change your clothes in your car and then take a cab to the den of lust. If you leave your car and work clothes at work (during work hours), there's no frickin' way she'll know what's up. A costlier method is to use the Spy Hawk Pro "Ultimate Bug Detector" which claims to be able to spot GPS devices (as well as wire taps, transmitters and hidden cameras). Now we haven't tested this device, but if you're gonna be crazy enough to break your vows, you're probably crazy enough to cop this device.

Now if the girl at home is quite the woman scorned, she's going to hire a private eye. That's gonna suck. The best way to deal with a private eye is to first detect and then deflect. To detect, you're gonna need to set up some hidden cameras and pore over the footage to look for patterns. If you see the same conversion van with tinted windows in all your footage, that's PROBABLY your guy. Once you find out who it is, do some counter-surveillance of your own (like flipping the GPS pen trick onto this sneaky private eye) and make sure you keep this SOB at bay while you're off doing the nasty with your nasty.

WHAT IF SHE CATCHES YOU?

Well, then you're fucked. So don't get caught. But really, just don't do it. Pussy's good...having a warm bed is better.