Liquor Essentials

Written by Mario Frassetto

It’s the time of year for back-yard barbeques, cookouts and general entertaining. So you’re going to want a bar. Or at least any self-respecting alcoholic in training would. So the next question is; what are some bare essentials I’ll need for my bar? Look no further.

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Our first installment will cover what you will need in terms of booze and general liquor. You won’t need a lot, but you should have a good enough mix that you can make some basic drinks (i.e. Long Island iced tea, which requires most below).

Vodka – The ultimate mixer and the backbone of any bar is vodka. It’s the most popular and versatile of liqueurs. It’s best to have a larger bottle of lower quality vodka such as Popov or Fleischmann's (anything that’s sold in a huge plastic jug) for mixed drinks, while a nicer brand or two for martinis or drinking straight up. Since vodka blends with whatever you are mixing it with, there’s no sense in making a Grey Goose and whatever when you won’t even taste it. (And don’t believe the myth that a lower-priced vodka will give you a hangover. Look, if you drink a bottle of vodka, top self or well, you’re gonna get fucked up and you’re going to feel it in the morning).

Gin – It’s the other white meat of martini mixers and a basic for many mixed drinks. The most common drink is the classic gin and tonic (pretty tricky huh?). Flavored by juniper berries this clear liquor is known for its taste resembling pine needles. While premium brands aren’t completely necessary, having a bottle of the most famous brand; Bombay Sapphire, wouldn’t hurt. It also doesn’t hurt (and if you drink enough you won’t feel a damn thing) that it’s 94 proof. Having Bombay and one other kind is preferable.

Whiskey - While there are many types of whiskey, the old standby has been and will always be Jack Daniel’s. Sure there are many types of whiskey and bourbon (Bourbon by law must contain 51% corn); but a bottle of good old John D will do just fine to start with. Worry about single malts, grains and blends later. So get what you like but like what you get, as everyone has his or her own opinion on which whiskey/bourbon is best.

Rum – Distilled from sugarcane, there are two kinds of rum any bar should have: spiced and light or un-spiced. While the spiced is perfect for some mixed drinks, in others the sweetness will ruin the drink. Think Captain Morgan and coke as a spiced drink, and Long Island Iced teas or Mojitos (for the ladies) for the other.

Tequila – Previously known for the worm in the bottom of the bottle, this liquor distilled from the blue agave plant and is essential for any bar. (and that’s why it’s on the list, eh?) Whether in margaritas or done as shooters, quality really shouldn’t be sacrificed as you’ll pay for it in the morning if you skip on quality, unlike with vodka. But again, if you drink a whole bottle… Anyway, don’t go with any quality lower than Jose Cuervo or Patron when stocking your bar with this spirit.

Beer – Like with vodka, having some beer in your fridge or near your (like a kegerator) bar is mandatory. And again having at least two qualities of beer is a must. Always have a six or twelve pack of your favorite beer (for your own consumption) while also providing a cheaper, lower quality for your moocher-type guests. Normally people won’t mind especially if it’s free. If they do, offer them a shooter of Tequila or Whiskey and watch the protests diminish.

Wine coolers – If you’re going to have girls* at your bar you’re going to have to cater to their needs. That is if you want them to stay, and if you’ve even been at a party with no chicks you know it’s really not a good thing. Plus, once you run out of wine coolers they will invariably switch to something harder, which will in turn get them drunker. This should make them more likely to make out with their hot friend. That’s the plan anyway.

*Note: notice we said girls and not women. Real women drink beer or hard liqueur to begin with.

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There are 3 comments so far:

Matt The Bartender

07/17/2007 15:08

Tequila has NEVER had a worm in it....Only Mezcal : Mezcal is a Mexican distilled spirit made from the maguey plant, and refers to all agave based distilled liquors that are not tequila. The use of the worm is exclusive to mezcal, since the Mexican standards authority, NOM, prohibits adding insects or larvae to tequila.

Chaucer

07/17/2007 16:27

handy to have the good ol' vomit- i mean ice bucket at the bar. PATRON!

Will

07/18/2007 03:47

Other Suggestions:

Gin: Tanqueray, Tanqueray 10, Magellan.

Vodka: Ketel one

Rum: Bacardi 151 is handy to keep around for various things.

If you want an actual bourbon, but are cheap, get some Old Grandad...if you like spending money, get Makers Mark.

Also: for the GIRLS: flavored beers, AKA smirnoff ice, bacardi siver, sky blue

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