In Singapore, we have an efficient transport system. The frequency of the subway trains come at an interval of every 5 minutes or less. They are good and clean subway trains but rode by the bad and ugly commuters. Here, I present to you:  the Subway Train Pole Dancer.

Like every other Wednesday afternoon filled with positive vibes, it was the easiest day of my 5 day school week. I will take my usual 15 minutes train ride to the 5^th station. And that usually means a passage to the “Gates of Hell” located at the 3^rd station. 

See, the term “Gates of Hell” came about because of its commuters’ constant hunger for unoccupied seats. Every millisecond is crucial in the fight for seats. At the sight of the slightest opening, hundreds and thousands of them will squirm through those yet-to-be-opened-doors like little spermatozoids dying to sit their asses on the ovum. Sometimes they even left with the seat wet and god knows what it is. I had once seen a security camera exploding into flames when it was in the recording of so much action. Just too much. 

Now back to the cabin, I have been sitting on the train for about 7 minutes and 42 seconds to be precise. I thought I was going to be mentally and physically prepared for the nightmare. But it was not to be…

“Doors closing,” the Americanized-accent speaker announced and was soon followed by the caution beeps. 

“EXCUSE ME! Coming through!” squeaked the Subway Train Pole Dancer as she squeezed her way through with her DRIED prune-like pokies on pancakes. Everyone stood out of her way (or what I would believe, they were trying to get her out of their sights). Immediately, her mean slit-eyes were locked on to the empty seat beside me like a tracking missile. She zoomed in, carefully positioning her fingers on the nearby pole, all psyched up to pounce at breakneck speed.

“AHHHHHHhhhhhh!!!” screamed the Subway Train Pole Dancer as she went on a 1080 degree spin (3 rounds) around the pole, something even a $1/dance pole dancer would have been ashamed of.  

As she re-established her stability and took aim with her big fat ass once again, she missed the seat entirely. And guess what? She sat on me. In that split second, my dick went inwards and became a vagina, I swear. People on the left and right were giving me that grin. Yes, that grin. I did not have lunch that afternoon as I was way too troubled by the whole ordeal. 

As a well-mannered and able-bodied man, I would be more than happy to give up my seat for you, the old and elderly. BUTTTTT, what I could not stomach was the fact that you made a blunder and I am to be everyone’s laughing stock. On top of that, I did not request for any special favor in return, you wrinkled old cunt.