01.08.08 From the Viking
How to Stop Your Girlfriend from Gaming
Your first question is probably, “Why would I want her to stop? She’s a good opponent, and it means she can’t hassle me when I’m playing Halo at four in the morning.” Fair enough; there are perks. But, eventually, things need to be done. And if she’s spending most of her free time on XBox instead of on you, chances are there’s something in your relationship she’s avoiding. And by "something," I mean "you." Here are some tips to help you get your woman back from the cold plastic embrace of Guitar Hero and the rest of her computer-generated friends.
Live-In Vs. Come-Over
Probably the simplest way to categorize girlfriends is to distinguish “live-ins” from “come-overs.” Most of this article is going to be about getting the girl you live with to stop gaming and there is a reason for this distinction. If you’re dating a woman and she comes over to your apartment 4-7 days a week, and you’re concerned that she’s gaming too much during her visits, she may just be using you for your game console. Sorry. What’s more, if you and your girlfriend don’t live together, and you feel she’s over-gaming to the point that she chooses playing video games at her place over coming to see you, that might be too big of a problem as well. Obviously, play it by ear, but you may not be able to overcome that behavior.
Make Reality Worth Her While
Easier said than done, it’s true. But this is almost without a doubt the best way to get her back. You can start small. Be nicer to her, listen to her when she’s talking about her day, get better at sex, all of those things that probably belong in an article of their own. “But I’m lazy and really not much of a male specimen,” you say? Well, that’s unfortunate. I suppose there’s always 1990s-family-sitcom style trickery to fall back on.
Tricks and Deception
Tell her that you read on a video game website that too much gaming can lead to premature wrinkles, unnecessary stress and miscarriages. Hopefully this won’t work, because you really shouldn’t be with a girl dumb enough to believe that.
Guilt
You can be straight with her and tell her that you think the gaming is coming between the two of you and your relationship. You can tell her that you feel ignored and unappreciated. You can tell her you want to go away for a weekend to get to know each other again.
Important Note: If she laughs at you for saying this, you are officially the “nagging wife” in the relationship, and nothing will ever change that back. You’ve essentially surrendered your pants for good.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em...
It may as well become “your thing.” You’ll be that couple that no one can beat. You’ll propose to her in the middle of a multiplayer game with all of your nerd friends there. Your wedding will be decorated with Pac-Man and Mrs. Pac-Man in mind. Your kids will be born with controllers in their hands. Your midlife crisis purchase will be an expensive virtual reality chamber (wait and see). You’ll die at 60, having not exercised in thirty-five years and having eaten only Hot Pockets and Top Ramen. You’ll be buried in a giant Tetris piece to the music of the Ocarina of Time. Surely, worse lives have been lived and if you can bear that sort of existence, then you’ve met your mate. Congratulations.
But if that doesn’t work for you and you can’t get her to stop via lies, honesty, or just becoming a better boyfriend, then it’s probably hopeless. In other words, the ultimate, fail-safe way to get your girlfriend to stop gaming is to get a new girlfriend. Except this time, try finding one in real life instead of on the IGN message boards.
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I mean, my girl likes to play with my Wii...but you know, after she moves it around, up and down, back and forth, side to side...it usually just turns her on, and she ends up playing with my Wii-nis instead...
Buckeye Shame day is in full swing....
(Not speaking metaphoricaly....but whatever works for you.)
Bob: Agreed...the few women gamers I've known have still infinitely preferred real stimuli to virtual.
...Although one girl I knew got into GTA: Vice City just a little too much...we'd go out places and she'd be scheming on how to jack people for their cars...
You guys are the epitome of oblivious.
I play Halo 3 multi-player every day. Sometimes, all night. We don't just play the Wii either. There are female gamers out there, quite a few of us actually. I play more than my husband by far. And yes, this was the case when he was still my bf.
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