Hi-5: The Five Hottest Chicks With Douchebags

These pictures come to you courtesy of Hot Chicks with Douchebags, a site which seems dedicated to simultaneously arousing and infuriating as much of the male Internet population as possible. All the douchebags and hotties are anonymous, so I've just used the aliases HCwDB provided for each douchebag and/or hot chick.

5. Razor and Pixie

Just look at this. A hotter version of Tila Tequila sitting on the lap of a guy who basically looks like a 45-year-old version of that one guy from N*SYNC who was in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The ridiculous shirt with the open neck, the stupid bro necklace, and the pencil-thin facial hair surrounding his mouth in three distinct formations? Yeah, this guy's definitely a douchebag.

Pixie, the girl with low enough self-esteem to consider a guy like this worth her time, manages to mix "sexy" and "cute" quite adequately -- she looks sweet and fun enough to have a conversation with, but also pretty likely to have screaming, angry orgasms following bruisy, vicious intercourse. 

4. Corky McTitgrabber and the blondes

This douchebag somehow managed to take one of the most enjoyable things a man can do -- grabbing tits -- and make it look fucking retarded. The blank look on his face is somewhere between "too drunk to perceive any of this" and "wait, what the hell are boobs?" It's as if his decision to lunge for some teat was a purely instinct-driven one. In the state he's in in this picture, he doesn't actually know what he's doing; the douchey part of his forebrain simply said it was the right thing to do and therefore he lunged forward, grabbing two incredible tits while looking like he shat himself.

And, yeah, those chicks are really hot. They look either just as out of it as the guy touching them, or totally irritated by his presence but contractually obligated to pretend like they aren't. In other words, they may be escorts. Given the clothing and hotness of Ms. Highlights in the back, I wouldn't necessarily doubt it.

3. Vinny Barbarino Douchebag and the adorable nerd girl

Nothing about this picture makes any sense, which is what makes it so goddamn aggravating. Regardless of whether or not you're into cute, nerdy chicks with glasses and brown hair (though if you aren't, one must question your judgment), the chick in this picture does not belong on the website. HCwDB is filled almost entirely with bleach-blonde So-Cal sluts, ravers, and chicks who, to some degree, look like they belong next to these douchebags. 

Yet there is almost no reason why adorable nerd girl should be anywhere within fifty feet of Vinny Barbarino douchebag, with his arm hooked around her neck in a quasi-headlock as he throws meaningless peace signs in the camera and looks dumbly out of downs-syndrome looking eyes hidden behind ridiculous sunglasses, his slackjaw open in a mixture of drunkenness, stupidity, and pure douchiness. Also, note the chest hair. Adorable nerd girl has no reason to be around this guy -- it makes no physical or logical sense. She should be going to indie band shows and hooking up with musician douchebags before writing on her LiveJournal about how emotionally fulfilling the doggy-style sex was before crying her eyes out a week later when she realizes she was just a booty call. That, and she should be writing poetry, going to art galleries, and spending the majority of her time not dating me.

2. Glinty O'Fuckface and two women who oughtta be porn stars

Dear God, look at those bazooms. Given how hot these chicks are, I'm tempted to think this guy didn't actually pick them up; maybe they're two of those hot chicks who go around LA handing out flyers for strip clubs and agree to take photos with people because it'll drive more customers to some place called Coconuts or something.

But maybe not. Maybe these two ridiculously well-endowed women actually found Glinty attractive -- something about his greasy hair, ridiculous soul patch, blinged-out cross and wide, date-rapist eyes really got these two chicks wet. 

It'd probably be better just to pretend otherwise, though; it's so much more comforting to imagine that mere moments after this photo was taken, Mrs. Mammaries 2007 and 2008 (respectively) walked away laughing to themselves about the douche they just had to take a picture with. Maybe there is hope that not all hot women are attracted to douchebags! Right?

Right? 

1. The Crustacean and five totally different, totally attractive varieties of hottie

THERE IS NO GOD.

As always, Hot Chicks with Douchebags has a depressingly large archives of these sorts of pairings. Get a boner, then become murderously angry at the world.