Hi-5: The 5 Hottest Simpsons Characters (page 1)

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Maude Flanders

Maude Flanders is all obnoxiously religious, which translates to her being either entirely awful or bed or willing to do anything including, but not limited to, blumpkins, felching, and ass-to-mouth.  For argument’s sake, let’s go with the latter.  Plus Ned’s pretty well-endowed (if you’ll recall from that episode when Homer made a dating tape for him, featuring Ned’s nude body in the shower) so you know Maude likes a nice deep dicking.  She loses points for being dead now though because, well, have you ever fucked an animated skeleton?  It’s a lot less zany than it sounds. 

Mindy Simmons

She was just a well-drawn piece of tail that was funny and quick, but not smart which is good because you don’t need calculus to fuck.  And she also was desperate enough to be charmed by Homer even though he’s basically as witty and attractive as a decomposing lemur, so there’s a decent chance she’d fuck anything.  Unfortunately she wasn’t around long enough on the show to get attached to, disappearing after Homer (stupidly) rebuffed her advances.  Come on, Marge would have never found out and, if he was worried she might, he could have killed Mindy and left her in a lake.  Granted, it’d be a very dark episode of The Simpsons but it’s not like Chief Wiggum is exactly McMillan and Wife or anything. 

Lurleen Lumpkin

Lurleen Lumpkin became what seemed to be the biggest country star in the world under the tutelage of Homer Simpson (who gained this sudden bit of business acumen by wearing a cowboy hat, which is actually one of the more logical situations on the show).  And, as seems to be the case with every woman who spends extended time with Homer, she totally wanted to bone while Homer sat there completely unaware.  Homer rejected her since fucking a hot country star is low on his list of priorities.  According to later episodes, Lurleen got addicted to drugs and basically flushed her career down the toilet due to the rejection meaning that, yes, she’d probably blow you for heroin or let you stick a clarinet in an orifice if you wore a Homer mask.  Which doesn’t work well with normal girls, particularly if you slam the door when they enter your apartment and start laughing maniacally.  Girls are tricky like that.

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joe

02/06/2009 12:08

you forgot the babysitter bart had a crush on...totally hot

Matty

02/06/2009 12:24

and Rev. Lovejoys rebel daughter.


Rod & Todd like to have sex with boys!!

Hurricanes

02/06/2009 13:49

Maude wasn't really obnoxiously religious, she was just religious. Ned, of course, is very obnoxiously religious. But it's so easy to make fun of the religious and takes no comedic talent to do so it's no surprise this is what we get. Good thing I don't expect more from this site.

Mexico Joe

02/06/2009 13:56

FUCK YOU hurricane, low expectations are what get the rest of us through life

Matty

02/06/2009 15:02

MexiJoe is a god damn genious!!!!

jibson

02/06/2009 18:01

also natalie portman's character was hot, not the slightest idea of the name as it was a shit episode apart from the use of the top gear music.

Ty

02/07/2009 13:55

I'm saving my boners for that hot slut on King of the Hill

Whale

02/08/2009 13:03

Lets not get into the religious debate here, (insert incredibly demeaning and derogatory anti-religious statement )

mj

02/20/2009 21:21

hey im sexy

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