01.09.09 From the Viking
Hi 5: The 5 hottest chicks on TV shows you shouldn't be watching (page 1)
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Katherine Heigl
Grey's Anatomy's Katherine Heigl strikes me as an utterly annoying woman. She whines about everything from "not getting the material to warrant an Emmy nomination" to how Knocked Up, her first successful film, was completely misogynistic. But man does she have a sweet rack and nice body attaced to it. So you'd listen to her blather on about meaningless bullshit on the outside shot that you could leave a replica map of Hawaii on her chest. The sacrifices you have to make.
I'd be remiss if I didn't point out what a load of cuntery it was that she didn't go topless in Knocked Up. It totally ruined that movie. If you're a schmuck like Seth Rogen's character, taking off her bra is the first thing you do. You don't leave it on during sex like you were fucking Donna Reed after moving together the twin beds. You just don't.
Annalynne McCord
Annalynne McCord is the hottie from the new version of 90210 and there's a good chance you may have missed her performance on tha show or similar rolls such as "Petra" on Ugly Betty or "Hot Girl" on The O.C. (clearly a role that stretched her range and allowed her to show off her true talents as a thespian). But any chick that seemingly refuses to wear a bra in public and regularly flops out of her top probably should be not only respected, but acknowledged as someone who's reached a higher plane of existence. Like Buddha, but with smaller tits.
Blake Lively
Blake Lively is the lead character on Gossip Girl, providing a busty blonde presence that should be legally required to be on every TV show as part of upgrading the signals to Digital TV. Her character on Gossip Girl is kind of a slut who fucked her way through her sophomore year of high school. On TV, this somehow helps to present her character as glamorous and wise beyond her years. In real life, she'd probably be living in a trailer park after gaining 75 pounds from popping out 4 kids from a guy named Merle. And there would be significantly less commercials for Levitra. Such is the magic of television.
Sophia Bush
She may look like she's celebrating her independence from uncomfrotable tampons in the photo above, but One Tree Hill star Sophia Bush is pretty hot. And her character on the show was also a high school slut who, in between sleeping around school, did some cheerleading. Which seems really awesome because sometimes you just want to believe that Nympho Cheerleaders 6 has some sort of basis in reality. Oh and and also, Sophia Bush had quite the jailbaitilicious scene when she seduced Ryan Reynolds in accepted guy movie Van Wilder. So that gives her enough cache to do whatever shitty chick shows she pleases and still warrant attention. And she's fucked Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, which means she's one step removed from lesbianism with Jessica Simpson and I'd say that's something we can all get behind.
Selma Blair
I think I'd rather get bitten in the groin by a rabid transvestite (and how!) rather than watch an episode of NBC's Kath & Kim. But I guess I can't totally be angry at a show that keeps Selma Blair in the public eye (technically). I'm not sure I'd call her pretty so much as I'd call her hot because she's kind of built like a nubile young boy but she plays dumb characters well, which is kind of hot. Her character in Cruel Intentions pretty much had to have some type of developmental problem to justify how retarded she was, which really does it for me. Really, hot women should be about 5 IQ points short of retardation to reach their maximum feminine potential. But for some reason it's creepy to fuck women who are lacking those 5 IQ points. Oh, society and your judgements.
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but you need to sort out the title before jibson hunts you down and murders you.
furthermore, stop saying page one on every article you write as it's eminently disappointing when there isn't one (or two more pertinently).
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