Hi-5: Five Women With Whom Your Girlfriend Would Have A Threesome

1. Heidi Klum: For Her Clothes

Girls like clothes. Almost as much as they like sex. Their equivalent of cool is someone dressed like she knows what she’s doing. As much as you admire the guy who can score a touchdown or burp for twenty seconds, a girl worships someone who wears horizontal stripes without looking fat. I was surprised by the clothes response when I took my poll, but I guess women are shallow bitches. Or maybe there’s a gene linking multiple orgasms to shoes. That chick in the bar with a different coat every night—yeah, your girlfriend wants her. Especially if she’s dissing her! 

2. Angelina Jolie: The crowd pleaser.

Men like the tits, women like that her face doesn’t look like a twelve year old’s (this is why you and your woman will not be squishing Jessica Alba in a sandwich anytime soon).  On this note, realize that while your wet dream may be Hayden aged, your lady’s choice is probably past thirty. Chicks also dig integrity even if they don’t use it themselves, so Ang is a good midpoint between Hillary Clinton and Alessandra Ambrosio. 

3. Shannyn Sossamon: The androgynous female.

You may be cuddling a little more woman than you’re used to, and it’s hard to pull on hair that’s been buzz cut. But there are some hot butch women out there (maybe someone could Hi-5 about that?). Compromise, compromise, and think how 2 vaginas + 2 mouths wins over the chance of being taken from behind. 

4. Scarlett Johansson: The girl with curves

Girls don’t want someone who makes them feel fat. Curves everywhere will fascinate even the straightest ladyfriend. Just don’t drink so much that you see eight of ‘em.  

5. Kate Winslet: The girl your girlfriend wants to be

There’s always someone she complains she doesn’t look like—imagine if that special someone were in bed with you. Just be prepared to watch, because your lady might not give up her idol any time soon to the likes of you. You thought I was kidding about turning lesbian?