Hi-5: Five Hot Patriots

Well, it’s that time of year again -- the hot, hot sun, the distinct smell of freshly cut grass, the lingering odor of used gunpowder – yessir kiddies:  it’s summer, summer, summertime.  And with summer comes the annual celebration of all things patriotic: the 4^th of July!   

All of us here at Double Viking know you’ve spent your 4^th of July week recovering from two to three cases of ice cold cheap beer, an entire rack of lamb and all that blood loss from what that M-80 did to your hand.   

To help ease your pains, we’ve decided to present you with five women who not only shine as gleaming symbols of American patriotism, but who are also pretty goddamn hot.

Betsy Ross

Naysayers may poo-poo the inclusion of American flag designer and creator, Ms. Betsy Ross, due to the fact that, well, she really isn’t all that fly.  But look closer: she’s got a sweet, soft face, and only the Lord knows what kind of All-American bosom and banging body is hiding behind that flag and ill-fitting 18^th century dress. 

Best of all?  The girl can sew, and what do you think she did with the extra bits from the original Stars and Stripes?  Three words: American Flag Thong.  Awwwww yeah.

Jo Collins

Do you remember that scene in Apocalypse Now where the soldiers come across a weird military outpost in the middle of the jungle just before a helicopter drops off a gaggle of big-breasted Playmates?  Well, Jo Collins is the real life version of that.  Miss December in 1964 and then Playmate of the Year in 1965, Jo Collins used her huge jugs and curvy figure for the good of the country.  Venturing to ‘Nam numerous times with the U.S.O. to, er, ‘entertain’ the boys fighting over there.  Sure, her ‘entertainment’ was probably limited to strutting on stage and giving the grunts something to help them ‘entertain’ themselves, but she risked her sweet, sweet ass to help those boys get their rocks off.   

And for that, she’s a real American hero.

These Chicks  

They are three, yet the flag unites them as one.  G bless America.  (They're the Dahm triplets, by the way.) 

The Ladies of the Kentucky National Guard 

The ladies of the Kentucky National Guard, who certainly have their patriotic little hands full protecting the good people of Kentucky, securing military installations abroad, and posing for 232 pictures buckass nekkid with their guns and gear and… wuh-wuh-what? You got it, the ladies of the Kentucky National Guard got themselves in some hot water a year or so back when a disc containing 232 pictures of the occasionally hot ladies ended up in the hands of a local newspaper.

If you can risk life and limb to defend innocent people, you can certainly take your clothes off and cavort about with greased up firearms. Who cares if the Army got their camo panties in a bunch? It has to get boring shooting guns at targets and saluting people. What’s a girl supposed to do? Duh, get naked and play with heavy artillery!

Bridget Moynahan 

We don't know where she stands politically.  We don't know if she's ever taken a public stance on any issue.  We don't even know if she likes this country.  We do know, however, that she qualifies for this list due mainly to her hotness. But, also, since she was impregnated by New England Quarterback Tom Brady, she at least has a little Patriot in her. OH!