5. Jolene Blalock

To call Jolene Blaylock's good looks "alien" is to invite one's peers to roll their eyes and scoff, considering she played a Vulcan or something on Enterprise, but the adjective still applies. There's something just slightly odd about Blaylock's good looks; her lips seem to belong to a porn star, her eyes to a schoolgirl, and her nose to some other attractive-but-not-a-schoolgirl-or-porn-star subgenre of female society. These contrasting features, rather than making Blaylock look like a Picasso painting, make her face seem like it's constantly propositioning any and everyone she meets for an intense makeout session. It's pretty hot.

4. Adriana Lima

I don't think Adriana Lima has looked at a single person in her life who didn't immediately get the impression that she wanted them to have sex with her. Even ignoring her (quite considerable) body, something about Lima's face -- the eyebrows, the nose, the round cheeks -- more or less demands to be copulated with. The small, slow, potentially evil smile sure doesn't help the woman's face seem any less doable.

3. Megan Fox

If Adriana Lima's face was "potentially evil," then Megan Fox's can best be described as the lovechild of Hitler, Stalin, and Anton Chigurh. She's incredibly attractive, obviously, but just look at her -- she looks like she'd trick you into sleeping with her, then stab you in the throat at the moment of climax, steal your wallet, burn down your house and kill everyone you cared about. She is (and the following statement, when repeated amongst friends, has inspired innumerable accusations as to the nature of my sexual orientation) too hot. Her face was literally built for suggestive, sexual glances, invitations of pleasure. Nobody that hot could ever be anything other than an evil, seductive, manipulative she-devil.

2. Scarlett Johansson

One word: lips. And hair. Two words, lips and hair. At the risk of sounding intensely creepy, it can be pretty damn difficult to look at her lips without wanting to smother them with one's  own, or her hair without wanting to run one's hands through it (and, depending on your level of violent selfishness as a physical lover, wanting to firmly grip it mid-coitus). She's been voted "sexist woman alive" more than a few times, so there's not much here I can tell you that I don't already know -- she's intensely attractive, has a mean "come hither" stare, and is kind of a cunt in real life.

1. Monica Bellucci

Monica Bellucci has a universal hotness which transcends age, race, and sexual orientation. Mainly, she's got two things going for her: the "international" look -- that is to say, her prominent facial features are too well-defined to be found on anyone for whom English is a native language -- and the "classically beautiful" thing, which basically means she has really piercing eyes and large lips. The combination of these facial factors makes it pretty much impossible to not want to do Bellucci upon seeing a picture of her.