Hi-5: Actresses Who Could Be Athletes

Jessica Alba

Sport:  Tennis 

Alba’s an athletic-looking actress.  Whether it’s kicking ass on Dark Angel or working the pole in Sin City, she has the lithe body of a sportswoman.  She’s got strong arms and nice legs, and I can’t imagine anyone looking better in tennis whites than her.  According to imdb, her father was a pro-circuit tennis player, which means it’s highly likely that she’d beat your fat ass on the court.  

Jessica Biel 

Sport:  Soccer 

Where one Jessica goes, the other follows.  While Jessica Alba has a body that looks like it’d do better in a burst of energy sport like tennis, Jessica Biel has more of an endurance-type frame.  She’s got a little more meat on her bones—not too much, mind you, but a little—which would help her run up and down the pitch for however long a soccer match is.  I assume it’s something like six hours.

Keira Knightley 

Sport:  Golf 

Yes, Keira played soccer in Bend it Like Beckham, but it just didn’t look right.  She’s a stick of a woman, and we all know the Indian chick was the real soccer player anyway.  No, Keira looks much more like a golfer.  She’s thin and flexible, and as an actress she’s very focused, all things which are important to being a good golfer.  And her mom’s Scottish, which has to count for something. 

Milla Jovovich

Sport: Field Hockey 

Whether she’s starring in a movie that Real Men definitely love or making video game movies, Milla always looks like she could kick your ass.  She’s demonstrated on film that she’s quick, agile, and unafraid of getting dirty.  Field hockey, then, is the most obvious choice for a woman who wouldn’t hesitate to crack someone across the shins with a wooden stick.   

Megan Fox

Sport:  Water Polo 

Megan Fox has a swimmer’s body, which gets her halfway to becoming a water polo player.  The other half, of course, requires her to wear a goofy-looking helmet while hucking a ball at an opposing team’s net and throwing elbows like Karl Malone.  Now, I don’t know anything about Megan’s personal life, but I’m going to assume that she is crazy.  I base this assumption on the fact that she’s the next big thing, but is currently engaged to Brian Austin Green, former rapper and star of 90210.  This craziness would translate well into a sport where it’s assumed that people are going to end up (in)advertently getting shoved underwater or kicked in the face.