Goddamnit: Stop Calling Males "Boys"

"Men are stupid." For some reason or another, this three-word statement has been accepted in the modern American subconscious as one of complete and total fact, not to be argued against by anyone save for petty, misogynist bigots. It is for this reason that calling men/guys/males "boys" almost exclusively has become completely acceptable in modern society. For example:

"I met a cute boy the other day."

"Boys are smelly, throw rocks at them."

"Oh, you boys!"

Imagine someone saying this with a tilted head whilst raising their eyebrows and shaking your head and you will begin to understand just how condescending the word "boy" is. "Boy," especially when used in relation to a teenaged or adult man, insinuates a lack of maturity and/or intelligence. "Men" or "guys" are figures of potential respect; "boys" are to be looked down upon, either for their stupidity or their naivete or their wholesale adorable-ness. One could very easily add the phrase, "aww, how cute," in an equally condescending tone of voice, to any sentence including the phrase "boy" without changing its inherent meaning or impact in the slightest. One talks about a "boy" in the same way one talks about a puppy dog.

Not to suggest that this word has no usefulness in and of itself; were a woman to truly talk about a full-grown, yet immature male and refer to him as a "boy," she would be doing so through a conscious desire to insult and insinuate immaturity, thus making the word choice logical and appropriate. But to take the word "boy," and to apply it to literally every member of the male gender, is simply bullshit condescension.

Imagine if your male friends called you "boy" all the time. Imagine if your boss, or your family members, or your professors called you "boy." Would you not be understandably irritated, if not infuriated by such unwarranted, passive-aggressive disrespect? If so, why do we tolerate it from women?

Without going into a long reverse-sexism diatribe, it stands to be said that it is far more acceptable in polite society for a woman to insult men than it is for a man to insult women. I've always liked to use a bit of Bill Maher's to illustrate this point: as quickly as you can, try to name all the intelligent, positive male characters on any popular American sitcom in the last thirty or forty years. Now try to name all of the intelligent, positive, female characters on any American sitcom. When you come right down to it, nearly 100% of American situation comedies involve a bunch of stupid, fad, slobbish men who have inexplicably been paired with brilliant, gorgeous, rational women whom the men do not deserve. The only really positive male characters are Fraiser and Niles Crane, and they're both gay as hell. When applied to the "boy" issue, this reasoning still stands; women can call men boys, but guys can't call women…well, what can we call them?

The thing is, there's no female equivalent of the word "boy," and before you say it: no, the word "girl" doesn't count. Taken individually, "boy" tends to focus more on the immaturity and lack of worth in the described subject, while "girl" really just tends to mean "a young woman." Women call each other "girl" all the time, with no negative connotation; no one has ever insulted a woman merely by calling her a "girl". "Girl" does not speak of different, individual attributes totally separate from womanhood in the same way that "boy" does when compared with "man." The issue of maturity is not even addressed in the definition of the word "girl" – there's certainly never been a female musical group called "Girls II Women."

Which makes this usage of "boy" all the more irritating. There is no word in the English language men can use to describe women that carries the same condescending, passive-aggressive weight as "boy." The word "girl" is meaningless, "chick" carries too much of an ironic, 1940's vibe to be genuinely irritating, and "broad" is outright insulting without the nuanced, glint-in-her-eye pretentiousness of   "boy" which allows it to be used so frequently.

Many women like to call males "boys" simply because they find it cute. It isn't.  It's passive-aggressive horseshit which effortlessly insults the whole of the male gender whilst simultaneously being impossible to counteract or argue against. Cuteness doesn't really enter into it, unless you consider arrogant, pointless condescension really adorable. I wouldn't even have a problem with the word if only intelligent, genuinely empowered women used it against men – if they've got a good reason for calling us immature and silly, then they've got a good reason. But when blonde, idiotic, Hollister-wearing, So-Cal women use it, and when vapid, faux-deep scenester girls follow suit, it's impossible not to be offended. I don't mind being insulted by someone so long as they are of moderate intelligence and I can argue back with them without their eyes crossing. I find it a hell of a lot harder to except the same level of condescension from women too stupid to develop a personality of their own.

Call me sexist if you wish, but be guaranteed that if men subtly insulted women in the same way women do to men, there would be general social outcry over the matter. As it stands, I haveto sound like a sexist, chauvinistic idiot in an attempt to prove my point. And as I cannot devise a similarly subtle insult, my only course of action is to demand, loudly and in quite a bold font, the following:

GODDAMNIT, STOP CALLING MALES "BOYS."