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Fight Club: Nerd VS Retard
Written by DV Staff
Yet another epic battle to the death. Who wins?
Nerd
Strengths: Intelligence, which can take you far. Quick thinking can take your status in a fight from loser to winner in no time. Plus he'd be smart enough to remember to bring some weapons and possibly know how to invent some cool shit during the fight, like a KO machine or something
Weaknesses: Obviously it's their lack of strength. Most nerds are out of shape and are either too skinny or too fat. If a nerd was built, he wouldn't be a nerd anymore. He'd be "that smart guy who's really jacked."
Retard
Strengths: Sheer brute force. Have you ever been beaten down by a retard before? They must be retarded about pain or something, because they can take and give punches for extended periods of time and not be in any sort of pain.
Weaknesses: Well, they're retarded. That has to slow a mofo down a bit.
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Lukas
05/15/2008 11:11
I think nerd has it
Matty
05/15/2008 11:13
Retard!!!! motherfuckers have chimpanzee strength!
Matty
05/15/2008 11:14
Retard!! They don't think......just react.
Bob
05/15/2008 11:16
Two words, "RETARD" "MUSCLES", the deficient would deffinitely take the nerd down to china town.
Matty
05/15/2008 11:18
These pictures are fucking hilarious and absurd!!!
Retard!! he's packing kung-fu weapons. That nerd better keep his head on a swival.
Retard!! he's packing kung-fu weapons. That nerd better keep his head on a swival.
Lukas
05/15/2008 11:21
well lukas doesn't mean to brag but he's taken down a retard or two in his day
Lukas
05/15/2008 11:22
all youneed to do is feed them diet grape soda and they get distracted long enough for a quick 2 dozen kicks to the sack
Whale
05/15/2008 11:24
Retard sorry Lukas... at least they're active, you know.
Mark
05/15/2008 11:26
retard ftw
joe
05/15/2008 11:36
nerd.....there's something about actually knowing how to make you hand connect with what you're aiming at.....retarded flailing is easilly avoided
The Hitman
05/15/2008 11:45
Nerd. any nerd worth his salt would know how to avoid a retard and beat him from a distance...it's not rocket science to outthink a retard.
SoFa
05/15/2008 12:03
i agree with hitman, a nerd would concoct some sort of diabolical plan to defeat the retard
Mexico Joe
05/15/2008 12:08
Joe thinks the nerd would win also, most likely by running away
SoFa
05/15/2008 12:13
also being a nerd does not nessasrily mean you are small, look at michael moore and bruce valanche they are like a combined 6 tons, and ive also seen some pretty tiny retards, but i guess that can also be flipped vice versa, with a big fat retard anda little tiny nerd
Matty
05/15/2008 12:17
Any Retard worth his weight in grape soda knows that without his pocket protector a Nerd is rendered defenseless! So all you Retards....go for it!!
chris
05/15/2008 12:41
if a retard has chimpanzee strength, how badass woulda retarded chimp be Matty?
Matty
05/15/2008 12:44
World domination Chris......world domination!!
chris
05/15/2008 12:44
I think that pic of the tarded kid is actually chris farley at age 7
Lukas
05/15/2008 13:06
awwwww chris. lukas is reading the farley book that just came out. you're kinda close, but that's sad
InglewoodJack
05/15/2008 13:31
having worked with them, retarded ftw. They have no remorse or understanding of what they are doing to you. They will bite you and not care.
Matty
05/15/2008 13:39
IJ, are they like Vampires? After getting bit, you become a Retard yourself? LOL
Oscar
05/15/2008 14:40
Retards got mad strength for real. Retards are usually bigger and more aggressive than nerds. Tards for the W.
Benjamin
05/15/2008 14:54
Slow kids are strong like bulls, but nerds know some klingon fighting techniques and shit. Ben says nerds would win in the fight, but they're still not getting any poom so they're losers in the end.
Lukas
05/15/2008 15:37
retards, tho, get mad poom
kevin
05/15/2008 15:43
ide pick the retod, if one of them got ahold of a nerd it would be all over. the nerd wouldnt know how to fight and this would be his down fall. the retod does have chimp like strength and i wouldnt wanna pisss one of them off.
chris
05/15/2008 19:21
I just got the best new military weapon...retarded vampire chimps!!!!
In fact I bet China is already cloning these things as we speak!
In fact I bet China is already cloning these things as we speak!
I Am An Evil Taco
05/25/2008 07:44
retards: extra chromosome. mutant power?
Most of the nerds I know are at the least a first degree black belt, since dnd tends to put a bit of the martial spirit in even the most geeky.
I call a draw. Depends on the nerd and the tard. If the nerd gets prep time he'll thoroughly own the retard. random attacking? the tard gets the nod, depending on the location and the skills of the nerd.
I'm a 6'2" nerd (dnd, comics, etc...) who benches nearly 300 lbs and trained in mixed martial arts for about 25 years. Vin Diesel played dnd for a while and had a fake tat in fast and furious of his dnd character's name. Some nerds are rather scary, but I never discount tard rage.
Most of the nerds I know are at the least a first degree black belt, since dnd tends to put a bit of the martial spirit in even the most geeky.
I call a draw. Depends on the nerd and the tard. If the nerd gets prep time he'll thoroughly own the retard. random attacking? the tard gets the nod, depending on the location and the skills of the nerd.
I'm a 6'2" nerd (dnd, comics, etc...) who benches nearly 300 lbs and trained in mixed martial arts for about 25 years. Vin Diesel played dnd for a while and had a fake tat in fast and furious of his dnd character's name. Some nerds are rather scary, but I never discount tard rage.
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