Fight Club: Jerry Seinfeld VS David Schwimmer

JERRY SEINFELD

Strengths:  He has huge teeth for biting his opponents. He's fast (as demonstrated in "The Race" episode of "Seinfeld"). He seems to have an inner rage. He's got a building in Manhattan just to house his cars (I'm not sure how that helps him win in the fight, but it's awesome). He might be whiny, but he's still a cool, bitter mofo.

Weaknesses: He's old. He's actually kinda pudgy these days. He has never shown any sign of fighting skills. 

DAVID SCHWIMMER

Strengths: He has tons of inner rage, which he sometimes releases onto the paparazzi. He's trim and not too old, yet. He seems like the kind of guy who would just pop you in the face for no reason when you least expected it (which, I guess, gives him the upper hand).

Weaknesses: He's the biggest bitch ever.  Everyone wants to see him lose.