Everything I needed to know about women, I learned from Bruce Wayne

There are literally hundreds of self-help books on how to woo a woman, how to win her and how to keep her happy.  These so called “relationship gurus” will tell you all the things they believe women want and all the various methods to attract the supposed woman of a man’s dreams. But let’s face it, these supposed guides lack the style…the panache…the sheer balls that would attract the caliber of woman that makes your buddies drool and your boss promote you. For my money, I want relationship advice from a guy who has it all. Everything I need to know about women, I learned from Bruce Wayne.

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DV Expose: Guns Should NOT Be Pretty

Gentlemen, while I am not one to have a problem with gender equality overall, nor with women being kickass when they want to be, I was recently shown something that blasphemes the holiest of all things Manly. I was so disturbed, so disgusted that I felt I needed to go kill something with my bare hands and then shoot it repeatedly, then gut it with my Rambo-sized hunting knife.

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Why Italian Girls Are So Hot

A few months back, we explored why Brazilian girls are some of the hottest chicks on the planet. Now we're gonna do the same thing... but this time, for girls from Italy (a country so hot it has MODELS in its parliament). Here we go...

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DV EXPOSE: Why You Should Partake in Clinical Trials

Offering your body up for experimentation is one of the few awesomely sci-fi things a human being can do anymore, outside of reading Neuromancer and then playing Second Life. Here's why you should start getting into clinical trials.

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DV EXPOSE: Kung Fu Panda Is the Manliest "Kids' Movie" Ever Made

I know: you probably don't like Jack Black, and you think the idea is stupid, and you'd never willingly see a kids' movie on your own, ever. Kung Fu Panda is the manly flick to change your mind.

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DV EXPOSE: "The Women" Will Destroy You and All You Hold Dear

Not the concept of women in general, mind you, but the upcoming film titled The Women, starring Meg Ryan and a cast seemingly made up entirely of females. It is the ultimate chick flick. It will be our undoing.

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DV EXPOSE: Jobber Fetishism

Don't get excited -- a "jobber" doesn't perform the type of "job" you're probably thinking of. No, "jobber" is slang for a character in pro wrestling whose only purpose is to lose miserably and make their opponent look like a badass. For some reason, there are surprisingly large amounts of men who find "jobbers" incredibly arousing. 

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DV EXPOSE: Porn Saturation

It's not news to anybody that the internet is full of porn.  Now, though, porn is reaching its tendrils into every aspect of the web, even the once respectable areas like Halloween costume patterns or decapitation videos.  There will never be less porn than there is today; that which has been created in the past will be preserved on the internet forever -- which means that pornographers have to try harder and harder for something new.  And more and more seeps through and gets all over your everything.

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DV Expose: The Homeless Pornography Industry

Ever since John Adams and John Hancock started hosting weekly circle jerk gatherings in the basement of the Liberty Bell (circa 1776), America has been chock full of secret underworlds. Over the past few decades, one such underworld, the homeless pornography industry, has been thriving beyond belief - aside from the intangible benefits of happiness and man smoothies, the industry is said to be raking in a sh*t load of money. However, as America is known to interfere with anyone who's having a modicum (pun intended) of fun, it's uncertain how long the homeless pornography industry will continue its sensational rise. 

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DV EXPOSE: Cinco de Mayo

It’s May 5^th again and you know what that means… Corona promotions and tequila specials at El Torito or whatever crappy fake Mexican establishment you have in your neck of the woods. Cinco de Mayo ranks right up there with Secretaries Day, Earth Day, and (if you live in Arizona) Martin Luther King Day as holidays that are totally overrated and blown out of proportion here in America.

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DV EXPOSE: Video Games Can Drive You Insane

Video games have been likened to drugs by a number of watchdog groups and mainstream media sources in the past, and, like any other form of media, this is partially true.  Books, movies, video games, etc., all have the power to influence the emotional state of their audience.  Some games happen to make the player go just a little bit insane.  Let's look at the evidence.

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DV Expose: A Girl Who Went To My High School Did Porn

What's the most shocking thing you could hear about a former classmate? That they had a kid? That they died? That they got arrested for slaying a goat? Nooo. Those are things everyone does, you dumbass. The most shocking thing you could find out is OBVIOUSLY that someone who went to your high school... did porn. Well, I got some news the other day and now I am officially shocked.

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DV EXPOSE: Why Democrats Aren't Manly

Despite record turnouts for Democratic primaries nationwide and wall-to-wall media coverage of all things Obama, the presidential race is still pretty tight. And even though the Democrats have more momentum than they've had in years, recent polls show that, for dudes, the GOP is the party of choice. Here's why...

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DV EXPOSE: Your "clever" marketing tricks have no effect on me

Your flashy publicity stunts do not convince me. Your “clever,” unusual viral marketing doesn’t interest me. No matter how oddball or innovative your marketing methods may be, they’re still just that – marketing. And we, as people, can see through that crap.

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DV EXPOSE: April Fools' Day

You may think April Fools' Day is fun.  You may be looking forward to it.  You may even have planned something which you think is fantastic but which really only serves to illuminate the pervasive sadness of your life.  It's amazing how wrong you can be.

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DV Expose: How I Learned to Stop Using Adult FriendFinder and Love Craigslist

Let's face it -- we all need sex, and the Internet is as good as place as any to look for it. Yet when considering Adult FriendFinder, a site supposedly made with this exact purpose in mind, there's quite a bit more (or less) than meets the eye. Here's why Craigslist is a better alternative.

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DV EXPOSE: The Great Irish Drinking Myth

Every race has a claim to fame:  Asians are horrible drivers, the English have poor dental practices, the French smell, and Italians were screwed by the Moors giving them the dark complexion they are known for (Dennis Hopper in True Romance can’t be wrong).  Then we have the Irish, who are known for their alleged drinking ability; however, at Double Viking, we deal in facts, and these facts utterly dispel all myths of Irish drinking supremacy.

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DV EXPOSE: The Neverending BJ

Friends, Romans, countrymen: I have seen the light. After hours and hours of soul-searching and almost-research, I finally understand the very meaning of life. I know why we are here. I know what we must all aspire to. I understand the one goal which should drive us to succeed, day in and day out. That goal? The Neverending BJ. 

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DV Expose: Why Vikings Are the Next Big Thing

They drink, they screw, they fight until glorious death. What's NOT to like about Vikings? Other historically badass groups have all had their shot -- it's time for the Vikings to take center stage. And here's why.

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DV Expose: Real Men... Pick Their Nose?

Picking your nose. Everyone will agree it's disgusting. But... is it manly? Let's find out...

 

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