Easy to Avoid Dinner Date Disasters

If you've somehow managed to get a nice young lady you just met roped into a dinner date with you, there are a few things you should keep in mind so that the evening can be as successful as possible. Even though the proper procedure for budding relationships is to go for drinks anytime past 7 PM and then make a beeline to your residence, some guys still want to stick to the traditional date format. That's fine.

Leave Your Diet At Home

Are you one of those guys who eats veggie burgers and dabs slices of pizza down with a wad of paper towels? Listen up, sperglord. Nobody is impressed by your obsessive compulsive eating habits. Women will think you're more effeminate than they are, and men will want to punch you right in the mouth. That's not the only reason to avoid this kind of behavior either.

Think about it: if you order a light salad and a glass of ice water with a lemon wedge, while your date orders actual human food that involves something dead on her plate, you're accomplishing two things. One, she's going to feel like shit because you're reminding her how quickly her youth is fading and that she too should really be watching her weight. Two, she's going to be asking herself a lot of unflattering questions about you. “Is he trying to save money or something?” or “This guy is more girly than I am, isn't he?” are two things you never want a girl to think on a date.

Don't Spend More Than $40

Speaking of saving money, consider this oft-repeated rule by the one and only Tom Leykis, who reminds his listeners to never spend more than $40 on a date. Why? The primary reason is that if you're seeing more than one girl, as you should be in the dating phase, expensive dates can add up quickly, but that's not the only reason.

The first handful of dates with a girl can determine whether or not the relationship ever evolves into anything beyond awkard small talk. If you present yourself like a walking ATM to a girl and spend lavishly on the first few dinner dates, you're probably thinking, “Hey, I spent a lot of money here. She has to sleep with me now!” Which may be the case from time to time, but don't count on it. More and more women have become carnivorous daters: why turn down a fancy meal when you don't have to do anything in exchange for it?

Your date is under no obligation to make shimmy-sham with you just because you blew half your paycheck on an evening at an overpriced restaurant. This is something a lot of inexperienced guys running the dating circuit can't seem to get through their noggin. We're not saying you should take all of your dates to a Denny's and give her the evil eye if she doesn't get the $3.99 grand slam, but instead of going all out, take your girl somewhere decent yet reasonably priced. Don't take her to a dump, but don't take her to a 5 star place.

An easy trick you can use to determine whether or not a restaurant falls nicely into the middleground is the silverware.

• Is the silverware made out of plastic? Too cheap.
• Is the silverware actually made out of silver? Too expensive.

Don't Order For Her

At first, this might sound like a great way to show off your alpha-male chops. “Yes, and the lady will be enjoying the veal marsala this evening. May I see a wine list?” Classy, right?

Yeah, if it's 1957.

Sadly, we live in a world where the Don Drapers are cast aside like so much masculine chaff, and women are more apt to be offended by such a gesture than to be impressed by it. The waiter, or heaven forbid, the waitress, will give you a condescending look, the girl will be embarassed, and you'll look like a try-hard.

You're Not on a Date With a Cell Phone

Given that we live in a world where even poor farmers in Africa have cell phones, it's understandable that we take these devices with us everywhere. They've become a part of us. And yet, they have no place at a dinner table with your date – and this goes both ways.

Actually talking on the phone isn't really as much of a problem as it used to be, but this activity has been replaced by one that's even more annoying: texting. If you're looking at your phone more than you're looking at the girl, you're doing it wrong. Fortunately, this is something most guys can understand, since it's usually the girl they're with that's attached their face to a cell phone.

So, say your girl won't stop texting. What do you do? Well, if you have even an ounce of self respect or value your time in the slightest, there are two steps. Say something like, “You seem awfully busy with your conversations there. Maybe we should do this another time?”

Before you panic and think, “B-but, that's so rude! She'll get upset and then I'll never put my wingydingy in her diddlebox!” do yourself a favor and try to grow a pair. Who's really being rude here? The dude who was nice enough to offer his time for the evening and pay for a nice meal, or the girl that can't stop chatting on Facebook for more than 30 seconds? You're not being a jerk about it either – you're just letting her know that if she has something she'd rather be doing than going on a date with you, you're not interested in sitting at a table and watching her play with her phone.

If you say something and she still doesn't stop to give you the basic attention you deserve as a human being, it's time to do yourself and men everywhere a service by dropping a nuclear bomb: just get up and leave. Don't say a word to excuse yourself, just leave. She'll respect you for it. Don't be surprised if she calls you to apologize and set up another date (or, ideally, get back together that evening at your place). If she doesn't, the explosive boost in self respect you just gave yourself will be worth way more than anything you would have gotten out of the date.