DV's Qs, Ts & As: Stupidity

"Bananas are dairy... right?"

"...and that's how I came to the realization that there's no such thing as pulling. You can only push something toward yourself."

And me calling them on it, respectively: "Wrong!" and "Gravity? Magnets?"

I was at a bar and heard some dude say "No Crown Royal, I did 8 months in county because of that!" While he sipped his jack and coke.

obama saying he has campaigned in 57 states with hawaii and alaska still to come.

Two things:

1) A few years ago, either '02 or '03, September 11th rolled around and my boss at the restaurant where I worked gave us all a bunch of American flag pins, bandanas, etc. to wear. The cashier girl, who had just graduated high school a few months before, said "Everybody keeps talking about this 9/11 thing. Was it a big deal or something?". That is an exact quote. I was just shocked and said "Are you joking? What hole in the world have you been living in for the last year or two?"

2) You know how people sometimes use the phrase "I see, said the blind man"? They use it as a way to say "Oh, ok, I get it now". Well my cousin, who doesn't have enough sense to pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the bottom, said "Okie-dokie said the blind man" and she was dead serious. My dad and I were just flat-out speechless.

I always call people out on this. It usually starts with me saying "well, first of all, you're wrong!" and then proceed to point out why they are a fucking idiot. Not because I think I'm smarter, just because they think they know everything. Chris has seen me pull this @ work a couple times. LOL

I hear so many stupid things every day that I try to forget them with the aid of TV and alcohol, but there are a couple that are burned into my brain:

Although I didn't see it for myself, I heard that Kirsten Dunst missed a question about Interview With A Vampire on Celebrity Jeopardy. It would take some serious retardation to miss one on a film you fucking acted in.

The reliable diarrhea-mouth that is Mike Goldberg is a commentator for UFC, and should be beaten to death by Joe Rogan before he has a chance to speak at any more events. At one UFC show he stated, "The longer the match goes on, the better chance both men have of winning."

Sports commentators. "Well what they tried to do here is run the ball up the middle" "The main goal here is to score more points than the other team, if you do that than you'll secure a victory"

I love calling people out on dumb shit they say.

John Madden is full of these. "If they go for the 2 point conversion that will give them a couple of points to tie the game"

yeah every year he gets more and more senile, I think they just let him talk now. Almost to the point where it's like "oh look grandpa is out wandering again"

Another one I remember from high school (upon discussion about bleach killing aids) "why don't they just make bleach into a pill form" The last time I was home I saw her reaching for that glass celling at a cigarette store.

Dudes, I got a ton.

In a history class in high school, this girl thought Canada was in Europe and thought spears weren't for ya know... spearing people, but for tripping people. She thought a guy on each end held it down real low and ran around a battlefield tripping people. ...The teacher was speechless.

Also, a couple years ago, I was hanging out with a buddy and his brother was was just in the other room. We were watching some video of something, I forget, and my buddy jokingly said "Oh my god, did you see that? That motorcycle went back on two wheels!" His brother asked "Which two... the front two or the back two?" He was serious.

In social studies, the teacher asked a girl what the capital of Greece was. Although I knew she wasn't the brightest, her response of "Africa" was classic. Nobody quite knew what to do.

I've heard that bleach one too, except as bleach injections. It was my wife that said it.

There was this idiot chick in high school that is responsible for these next two.

Teacher: "Melanie, could you go get me a bucket of air please?"
Melanie: (Gets up and leaves room)

Upon seeing the new CGI Coke Christmas commercials, Melanie exclaims "How do they get the polar bears to do that?"

I work for a call center in Manila. One of my representatives was gonna ask a caller to wait while she did some research and she said:

"Can I hold you for a moment?"

Classic.

This was a little kid who said this, but it's still stupid:

I'm friends with this young married couple and they're both elementary teachers, so they're always telling me about the crazy shit these kids say. The chick was teaching 2nd grade and was asking them to name things that swim in a lake. A little girl raised her hand and said "hot dog". The teacher asks her "hot dog, are you sure about that?" to which she replied "yeah".

What do you say to that?

courtesy of joe's ex wife......keyword EX. the scary part is she was dead fucking serious.

"honey, which is bigger, the galaxy or the universe?"

Joe, I believe the correct answer for her would be Akron, Ohio. LOL!!!

Duh, it's the Galaxy. Isn't it?

He is such a hot guy. His photos were seen at millionaire persoanals site ******R I C H L O V I N G.C O M*****last week. It is said he is already in relationship with a young pretty girl on that site now. ☆☆☆☆☆???☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆