DV Expose: Jennifer Love Hewitt Can't Have It Both Ways

J. LOVE'S FILM & TV CAREER - NOT THAT IMPRESSIVE

Why is Jennifer Love Hewitt famous? A lot of you will immediately shout out "Party of Five!" For those few of you who didn't blurt that out, "Party of Five" was an hour-long drama on Fox about a group of kids (five of them, actually, go figure!) whose parents are killed by a drunk driver, or some shit. It was a very popular show in its heyday and, of course, J. Love was one of the kids, right? Wrong. Neve Campbell, Lacey Chabert and "Lost" star Matthew Fox (as well as also rans Scott Wolf and... whoever played the baby) were the five kids. J. Love played Sarah Reeves, a girlfriend-character introduced to the show in the second season by Fox in order to get her own spin-off, ""Time of Your Life," which failed after a few episodes.

While J. Love's character was popular on "Party of Five," she wasn't quite popular enough to carry her own show and though the big breasted/chinned actress returned to her stable show after her career setback, the show itself was canceled in 2000. So J. Love's most notable role went off the air SEVEN years ago. Pretty cool, J. Love. The show DID serve to launch the careers of Neve Campbell and Matthew Fox, though. Oops!

A lot of you might also remember J. Love from her starring role in the "Scream" knock-off, "I Know What You Did Last Summer." The 1997 film, written by "Scream" writer Kevin Williamson BEFORE "Scream" but produced after that film was already a success, starred J. Love, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe and Freddy Prinze, Jr. The film did pretty well at the box office--it ended up with a domestic gross of $72.22 million, which is cool, but it fared worse than other movies that year, like Neve Campbell's "Scream 2" ($101 million), the CLASSIC film "Batman and Robin" ($107 million), the indie film "Good Will Hunting" ($138 million) and, oh yeah, "Titanic," ($600 million). So basically, pretty good, but not quite good enough, J. Love! The film was ravaged by critics and Horror-fanboys alike and though it DID manage to launch some film careers (Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddy Prinze Jr), it pretty much marked the end of J. Love's. And that was TEN years ago.

Since her movie and show, she's starred in a string of bombs (like a horribly received Audrey Hepburn made-for-TV biopic and, of course, the human lead in the "Garfield" movies).

And I won't even attempt to tackle her music career here, where one of her CD releases was such a failure that since then she's had to release her music exclusively overseas (where the people are still tricked into thinking she's a celebrity).

And though we're told she's in a "hit" show now, CBS' "Ghost Whisperer," it A) began airing in 2005 (so there's still a huge 5-year hole in her career) and B) airs on the ever enticing Friday nights at 8 PM timeslot (for those who don't know, Friday is the second worst night for TV ratings, following Saturday). Like with the rest of her career, the success of "Ghost Whisperer" is pretty relative.

So if the last REAL "hit" of J. Love's career was in 1997, if she had a five year hole where she starred in NOTHING and if her biggest claim to fame these days is a Friday night "Medium" rip off, why the fuck is she still famous?

J. LOVE'S "LOOK AT MY BIG BOOBS AND TIGHT BUTT" CAREER--SOMEWHAT IMPRESSIVE

 

 

 

J. Love has managed to stay in the public consciousness by teasing us with her goods. No, she's never naked. Usually far from it. But for the past 10 years she's appeared in countless "hot" magazine spreads. She's appeared in every list of FHM magazine's "100 Sexiest Women In The World" since 1997 and actually somehow climbed the list as her star faded (she started at #91 on the list and peaked at #7 in 2003... what the). She was also #1 in Maxim Magazine's "Sexiest Women In The World" list in 1999 and, shockingly, was #29 on that same list in 2006.

For the last 10 years, J. Love has worked hard to shove how fucking "HOT" she is down all our throats. And if you think that the fine folks at FHM and Maxim magazines chose her to place on their lists out of the kindness of their own hearts, then I've got a batch of Kool Aid I'd like you to drink and a war I'd like you to get behind. Meaning, you're being naive. The hot lists (both in men's magazines and in women-centric fare like the People Mag list of eligible bachelors) are known to be controlled by high powered publicists. What this all means is that J. Love has made a concerted effort to remind us (the red-blooded American males ages 18-35) that she is hot... STILL hot, in fact, despite her floundering career.

And you know what? She IS hot. I'd hit it. Of COURSE I'd hit it. I'd fuck her with her daddy's dick, to quote Biggie Smalls. Take a look at these boobs and tell me you wouldn't hit it too:

 

 

 

NOW THE BITCH IS GETTIN' OLD

Thing is, J. Love kinda let herself go. While her face is still dynamite, her body is starting to show signs of aging. Check out the pictures that were circulating among blogs all week:

 

Now I'm sorry, I don't want to be a huge dick, but that's not a very good ass for a 28-year-old. I'm friends with lots of 30-year-old chicks, some of whom have kids, and they all manage to stay a lot firmer than J. Love has. Hell, there are loads of 30 and 40-something actresses who have done the same. Sharon Stone and Rene Russo both held up well into their 50s and while Madonna is kinda gross looking, she's still pretty tight. Oh, and the women mentioned above (famous or otherwise) didn't build careers solely on their looks. Sure, Rene Russo started her career as a model, but she's been in loads of movies, including many that have made money. And say what you will about Sharon Stone, but she at least shows the goods (something J. Love has vowed never to do).

After those pictures leaked, J. Love issued a statement--"I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized.... What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles." Well, first off, if you build your career on a house of tits and ass, and the tits and ass start to sag, expect the house to collapse. And, second of all, like your career's success, fat is relative. While sure, a regular, every day chick being a size 2 isn't necessarily "fat," on your frame, and based off what you used to look like, you're a fucking heifer. You've teased us with how hot and unattainable you were for years (without one glimpse of nipple) with nothing else to back that up and what happens to a talentless tease who puts on a few pounds? She gets teased back, that's what.

Same goes for Tyra Banks and her fat, complaining ass. If you build a flimsy career based solely on your looks, watch out--when you inevitably lose those looks, no one will love you anymore.