07.08.08 From the Viking
DV Expose: Guns Should NOT Be Pretty
Written by DV Staff
Gentlemen, while I am not one to have a problem with gender equality overall, nor with women being kickass when they want to be, I was recently shown something that blasphemes the holiest of all things Manly. I was so disturbed, so disgusted that I felt I needed to go kill something with my bare hands and then shoot it repeatedly, then gut it with my Rambo-sized hunting knife.
What could possibly cause such a reaction in someone who is generally calm, composed, and usually rational and level-headed?
This, gentlemen, is the last straw.
Guns should NOT be pretty.
Guns should NEVER be PINK or have fuzzy covers so it doesn’t chafe your arm when you’re holding it.
Crime Scene Investigation equipment should NEVER look like this:

…unless maybe it was Liberace or Elton John’s murder…
Military Weapons should NEVER, EVER have popular cartoon characters on them…like

Hello Kitty

My Little Pony,

Dora the fucking Explorer

or the fucking Care Bears!!
And we should NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER see

Mother Teresa or

Princess Di on them.

Martha Stewart Mines? NO!! “Fuck Martha Stewart! It’s all going down!”
…On second thought, I kinda wouldn’t mind seeing Martha Stewart blow the fuck up.
Even so…this has gone too far. Implements of killing and destruction should never be cute. This is so wrong. Guns and knives are supposed to be cold, unfeeling, uncompromising…just like the men that wield them. These bastardizations scream, “Hi! I’m here to kill you now! (insert girlish giggle here)” Is this all part of the plan? To distract your target with cutesy characters and bright colors so you can off them more easily??? I think not.
Are there some women…or maybe womyn…who weren’t content with the cold, hard steel of the weapons of war, and instead wanted kinder, gentler, happier deaths?
“Oh, look! I’m being stabbed to death by Dora! Yay!!”
Yeah, right. This is obviously an attempt to cash in on some womyn’s attempts to take something traditionally manly and pussify it. The womyn who would purchase something like this would certainly never USE these things…they’d mount them on the wall as some sort of male bashing trophy, right next to their last boyfriend’s balls.
This is too much, gentlemen. We must not stand for this gun pussification!!
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That came straight from JOMO!!!
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