Cute But Deadly: Extremely Dangerous but Adorable Animals

By Damien on March 26, 2014 - 5:00 am | Permalink

No, no, we’re not talking about your
ex-girlfriend here. That would be really scary. But these cute little
monsters are no joke either—if you see one in the wild, your best
bet is to say “Aww” and then RUN. Don’t worry, you won’t have to
turn in your man card.

Chipmunks

No, seriously, these little guys you see in the woods when you go on some silly hiking trip can be pretty dangerous. All right, sure, not the chipmunk itself, since you could pretty much just step on it or do something else that would enrage all of the PETA members within a five hundred mile radius. But these little critters are well known for happily carrying a variety of life-threatening diseases. Say you're out camping, miles and miles from civilization, and one of these crazed-but-cute little bastards had rabies and bit you (which it would if you were, say, eating a bag of peanuts). Unlikely? Sure. But definitely deadly.

 

Baby Chimpanzees

The distinction here is important; hopefully you already know that full grown chimps are strong as shit. But if you've been to a zoo and looked at the cute little baby chimps and thought, “Look at that little guy. He wouldn't hurt a fly.” Actually, yeah, he would. He'd try to rip off the fly's genitals.

 

You see, even in their youth, chimps are absurdly strong, and they instinctively know the rules that every women's defense class teaches: attack the face and groin. Don't be fooled by the crazies you see holding baby chimps on the discovery channel.

 

Platypuses

Easily one of the weirdest looking animals on the planet, it also happens to be quite dangerous. And that's a fact that a grand total of four people on the planet were aware of before reading this, since who would have ever suspected that a furry little duck-rat hybrid would have POISON in their back claws (called “spurs,” since those appendages propel them through the water). Here's the really fun part about a platypuses spur poison: if you get whacked with it, it won't kill you, but you'll be in severe, almost unbearable pain. And if you're not treated? It can last for over a month. Yeah, that's real cute, you little freak.


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