Comedy List: What Will Happen When We Find the 'God Particle'?

For those who don't know, the so-called God Particle is a theoretical subatomic particle currently referred to as the Higgs boson after the man who first postulated on its existence, Peter Higgs.  It has been called the 'God Particle' due to the hope that its discovery will ultimately unify physics under a single model and 'know the mind of God,' and is being sought in the Fermilab particle supercollider in Chicago.

• Black hole created, eaten by hungry Americans.
• Physics is solved, Stephen Hawking returns to his first love: professional wrestling.
• Unstoppable matter-antimatter annihilation chain reaction starts.  High-larious!
• The Cubs harness its power, get really, really close to the World Series.
• God's mind known, but he mostly thinks about America's Funniest Home Videos.