Comedy List: Things You Say Before Getting Kicked Off An Airplane

Written by DV Staff

Naomi Campbell isn't allowed to fly British Airways anymore.  That's all well and good, but what if you get the feeling you're about to get the old heave ho?  What do you say to make it all worth it?

• "I inspected this mofo myself.  Eeeeevrything's fine."
• "Do stewardesses still provide… you know… full service?"
• "Tell the Captain to watch his six."
• "Help me find the best place to hide a roughly human body-sized object."
• "I always forget, are we allowed to have machine guns, or no?"

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Insert

04/09/2008 15:06

Is that a bomb in my pocket?

Lukas

04/09/2008 15:06

Honey, can you look great, but can you put on some lipstick before the blow job service begins? I'm a bit dry down there

Lukas

04/09/2008 15:07

oh it's not an explosive for killing others... just myself

Insert

04/09/2008 15:08

LSU Tigers are #1 (Just had to add that for the football fans.) But fa real close yours eyes so you don't get blinded.

Mark

04/09/2008 15:09

Grab crotch and let them know you DEF. have a concealed weapon

Mark

04/09/2008 15:10

LSU will prolly go 7-5 this year, and thats only if Perilloux stays outta jail that long

Mark

04/09/2008 15:10

those glory days are over in Baton Rouge

Insert

04/09/2008 15:11

we shall see.

Mark

04/09/2008 15:12

Hello there folks, Brutus the Buckeye here, just wanted to introduce you to a few friends of mine: James Laurinaitis, Marcus Freeman, and Larry Grant, you might already know them, they are more commonly known as the best linebacking trio in the country

Whale

04/09/2008 15:13

I live for this shit! (XXX style)

Mark

04/09/2008 15:13

Our defense alone with have 5 outta the top 10 picks in the NFL draft next year btw

Mark

04/09/2008 15:14

im gonna stop the football talk..........for now. Unless I'm provoked LOL

Whale

04/09/2008 15:14

mark just drop it man theres nothing to go on yet...

Whale

04/09/2008 15:15

besides Gholston was your D-line

Whale

04/09/2008 15:15

Whale

04/09/2008 15:16

Ill give you more than 2 fl. oz.!

Whale

04/09/2008 15:16

Whale

04/09/2008 15:16

Whale

04/09/2008 15:16

Matty

04/09/2008 15:16

We got Brandon Minor, you fuck stick!!! LOL

Whale

04/09/2008 15:17

add suggestive crotch grab to my last statement

joe

04/09/2008 15:21

print up a bunch of business cards stating mile high club membership and give them to all the ladies in line/female flight crew, and the chick that scans you bags

Mark

04/09/2008 15:21

Twill be hard for Minor, who is a great back in his own right, to run without an O-line to block for him, or a passing threat to counteract. Plus we have a heisman trophy favorite named Beanie that is 10x the player minor will aspire to be.....LOL so go dig up Bo and Mung!!!!

Mark

04/09/2008 15:22

"well I guess this is my que to exit, huh?"

joe

04/09/2008 15:22

talk loudly to yourself about 70 virgins not being worth it, then eventually conceed defeat to the voice in your head

joe

04/09/2008 15:22

pack a parachute in your carry on baggage

joe

04/09/2008 15:25

pack roughly 100 1.5 oz bottles of shampoo in your carry on

Mark

04/09/2008 15:25

LMAO @ 70 virgins not worth it

Mark

04/09/2008 15:26

"What do you MEAN I cant bring this weed back with me? What is it, ILLEGAL or somethin.............."

Whale

04/09/2008 15:26

Rich is the kind of coach that i would have loved to play for out of highschool... just wait till the season starts....

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?id=3293269

this is a good thing

Mark

04/09/2008 15:27

expectations are low Whale, you have to admit. Im just busting grapes for now....but you cant expect to finish any higher than 4th in the Big Eleven

Mark

04/09/2008 15:27

5-7 is my prediction, and ND will stomp on you this year

Whale

04/09/2008 15:28

randomly throw head back and give that Xena yell "yiyiyiyiyiyiy!" wait 45 min to an hour and repeat.

Whale

04/09/2008 15:29

your kidding me right?

Matty

04/09/2008 15:30

I will kill both you and my wife in Notre Shame wins!!!!!

Mark

04/09/2008 15:31

Im not kidding you, Klausen is gonna be a better QB this year, and if their O-Line gets it together..........your going down

Mark

04/09/2008 15:32

Our problem right now is deciding which one of 4 different QB's we should play

Mark

04/09/2008 15:33

September 13th cant come fast enough man, I've had it circled on the calender since January..........the Bucks in So Cal taking the first steps toward glory

Matty

04/09/2008 15:36

I might have to take a road trip for that shit!!

Mark

04/09/2008 15:37

Its gonna be the game of the season I think, even if I wasn't a bucks diehard

Matty

04/09/2008 15:42

Hell yea!! 4.5 hr roadie, with some sticky icky and some adult soda pops. I think it might go down.

MacGyver

04/09/2008 15:43

I'm sweating like a nun walking through a cucumber patch

Mark

04/09/2008 15:46

Ill meet ya out there buddy, just dont wear any Block M stuff LOL

MacGyver

04/09/2008 15:46

"death to america"

joe

04/09/2008 15:47

lol @ mac

Mark

04/09/2008 15:48

LMAO @ Mac


@ Matty, I'll bring some Upstate NY "Jack Hair" and you grab some delicious AZ tree, and we'll clam bake the parking lot

Insert

04/09/2008 15:48

Mark your team could compete in the SEC

Insert

04/09/2008 15:48

to much comp...

MacGyver

04/09/2008 15:49

cumon ladee gimme sum o' dat poom

Mark

04/09/2008 15:51

We would most def. compete in the SEC, it would be WAAAAAAAY too stacked if we were there tho

Matty

04/09/2008 15:51

Hellz yez!! Maurice Clarett is in Da Hizzouz!!! LOL



Mark, I'm down for that!

Whale

04/09/2008 15:52

Dude do you follow your own team? Todd Boeckman is the incumbent QB at OSU. (yes i just called out Marks fan-hood)

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/recruiting/football/news/story?id=3301454

Whale

04/09/2008 15:53

*read it

Matty

04/09/2008 15:54

Yowza!!! Fanboy!

Insert

04/09/2008 15:54

I do agree with you there mark. But I do think LSU will go better then 7-5

Whale

04/09/2008 15:54

oh and seriously how can you pick us as 4th? there are only 3 teams in the big 11... Mich, OSU, and WI

Whale

04/09/2008 15:55

yes insert they will be better than that... ill go 9-2 or better.

Mark

04/09/2008 15:56

Of course Boeckman is gonna be the starter brosef! Im just saying that there ARE other possibilites cuz we are so stacked, thats all. Not starting the QB that took you to the NC Game last year would be ridiculous


@ Matty, Maurice Clarrett was our one ding in a hundred years of excellence LOL....at least he was a real G, not like Chris Webber

Whale

04/09/2008 15:56

this past year was a fluke "the year of the upset" i think this coming year teams are going to take every game more seriously, and there will be far fewer upsets

Mark

04/09/2008 15:56

Purdue and Mich. State will do better than the Maize this year

Insert

04/09/2008 15:58

I wish I can enjoys College more but till there is a better bowl system Ill stick to the nfl

Mark

04/09/2008 15:59

Lovin the NFL too, but not NEARLY as exciting as college

Mark

04/09/2008 15:59

either way.....we get a full slate of football all weekend long so everyone can be happy

Whale

04/09/2008 16:00

wow, mark , just... wow

Mark

04/09/2008 16:00

Shit, I'd watch pop-warner football over a MLB game anyday of the week

Matty

04/09/2008 16:01

I've switched my support to an Ohio school now.



Go University of Akron, the mighty ZIPS!!!

Mark

04/09/2008 16:01

There is gonna be us in first place...and then miles and miles behind us will be wisconsin, purdue, mich. state, illinois, scUm, and the rest of the eleven

Whale

04/09/2008 16:07

whatever you say man, im pretty sure you're in for a rude awakening...

Mark

04/09/2008 16:10

we will see, we will see. If we dont win the Big Eleven this year(again) I'll prolly have to do some pretty embarrasing things my friends, and dont worry if you've come to hate me since the buckeye pride started, all my real life friends do too...LOL but enough of this nonsense we are ruining DV with all this football talk

InglewoodJack

04/09/2008 16:14

I was told your stewardess' put out easier than everyone elses!

Matty

04/09/2008 16:15

Yea, ya fuckin' jocks, with yur jockstraps and jockitch, and tight jocky underwear and jockying for position in the showers and......wtf?

InglewoodJack

04/09/2008 16:16

oh that's not jockying for position, that's gay sex.

Matty

04/09/2008 16:17

Either way IJ, it's ALL good!!

InglewoodJack

04/09/2008 16:18

I heard the wings were defective on this plane anyways.

Mighty Thundercleese

04/09/2008 17:14

Oh crap! This is an American Airlines flight!

Moncho

04/09/2008 17:21

I like the forums at www.makeyourownbomb.comm

joe

04/09/2008 19:06

unzip my pants and say there's a snake lose on the plane!

joe

04/09/2008 19:07

I've failed to bomb nicer planes that THIS!

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