Comedy List: Things I'm Grateful For

Written by DV Staff

Tatum O'Neal, who won an Oscar when she was 10 years old, has been quoted as saying she's grateful for being busted for trying to buy crack.  I'll bet she'd have been even more grateful for that crack, but that's beside the point.  What are you grateful for?

• The kick in the nuts that kept me from going home with that bridge troll.
• The throat slashing that got me out of jury duty.
• The overdose of heroin that kept me from doing more heroin because I was too dead.
• When I ran out of money at the strip club and couldn't get a lap dance.  Dodged a bullet there!
• The time my wife cut my junk off to keep me from going to a hooker.  Thanks! 

YOUR TURN, BOBBITT! 

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mrjomorisin

06/03/2008 15:10

I'm glad I got drunk, passed out on the train tracks, and got my leg cut off; It kept me from competing in the damned Ironman Tri-atholon

mrjomorisin

06/03/2008 15:11

I'm glad I found DV on the Internet, THAT keeps my productivity at an all-time low

joe

06/03/2008 15:33

ditto for jomo's second

i'm grateful for guinness, no joke there, just pure unadulterared honesty

Matty

06/03/2008 16:32

Porn......keeps my prostate in check ;)

John

06/03/2008 16:40

hahah agreed matty

John

06/03/2008 16:41

I'm grateful for the internet...without it I would be really really really really bored

Matty

06/03/2008 17:02

I'm grateful for the "spare" roll of toilet paper in the cripples stahl. If it weren't for that, I'd be going home "early" today!!

Steve

06/03/2008 17:54

I'm grateful for my penis.

Steve

06/03/2008 17:54

Also, tits.

Steve

06/03/2008 17:54

and beer.

joe

06/04/2008 15:36

im grateful for video games that kept me from going outside and being active and having to wait till i was kicked out of the house at 16 to finally learn to talk to people and bitches and get head at the park while high as fuuuuck!

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