Comedy List: Pandemic Time?

A Canadian train has been quarantined after a woman who may have boarded the train with flu-like systems died and ten other passengers fell ill during the journey.  What's going on here?

• Typical Canadian diversion from their plan for global curling domination.
• Somehow a picture of Amy Winehouse's mouth got around.
• I don't know, but I know who does:  Jeremiah Wright.
• 11 people 1 cup 1 malicious strain of e. coli.
• Eli Porter diiiid it.  He's the best, mane.