06.16.08 From the Viking
Comedy List: One Sentence Break-Ups
Written by DV Staff
You're in a long term relationship that you have to get out of. What you need is a short-term break-up line. Something that will get you out of the situation and on with your life as soon as possible. What can you say?
- I thought you were someone else.
- I have all the herpes.
- Did I ever tell you about the time I stole your identity?
- Yes, all of that cow porn is mine.
- I am gay and a vampire.
YOUR TURN!
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Matty
06/16/2008 15:03
I'm NOT gay, but I'm willing to try.
Matty
06/16/2008 15:04
I've been using you for your Celine Dion cd's
Matty
06/16/2008 15:10
My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!
Oscar
06/16/2008 15:10
"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck. "
Matty
06/16/2008 15:10
It's not me, it's you.
Oscar
06/16/2008 15:13
I'd rather bang your sister.
Oscar
06/16/2008 15:13
I'm pregnant.
The Hitman
06/16/2008 15:17
You made my penis fall off.
The Hitman
06/16/2008 15:20
IT WAS A TRAP!!!!!!
Hurricanes
06/16/2008 15:21
You are not the girl I knew (then throw her under the bus)
The Hitman
06/16/2008 15:21
It's not that I find you unattractive, it's just that I don't want to put my penis inside you anymore.
Matty
06/16/2008 15:23
If I may quote 2 Live Crew for a moment "Get the fuck out..bitch, Get the fuck out, Get the fuck out of my house...bitch"
The Hitman
06/16/2008 15:24
me no love you long time no more.
Benjamin
06/16/2008 15:27
@Hurricanes: Or, You're not helping my kids.
Benjamin
06/16/2008 15:28
Mecha shiva, Mecha shiva, Mecha shiva!
Oscar
06/16/2008 15:32
"It's the humidity"
James
06/16/2008 15:33
"Lukas, I am your father."
The Hitman
06/16/2008 15:36
Today's secret word is, 'breakup'...YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Oscar
06/16/2008 15:39
I should have taken "evasive action" cause this relationship was "a TRAP!!!!!"
Cali Adam
06/16/2008 17:02
It's over tritch!
chris
06/16/2008 17:04
No hablo ingles
Adam
06/16/2008 17:26
I was never on your team
mrjomorisin
06/16/2008 18:00
I've traded you for a year's subscription to Double Viking; you may now leave by the back door
mrjomorisin
06/16/2008 18:01
My DV avy has better tits than you, therefore, you must vacate the premises
Melissa
06/16/2008 18:41
I'm sorry Dad, this just isn't working.
Melissa
06/16/2008 18:42
My brother told me you have a small dick.
mrjomorisin
06/16/2008 19:27
OOOO Mel, SSSSSNAPPPP on mini-wanker
Dave
06/16/2008 19:30
I've puked in a Honduran whore house.
Mark
06/16/2008 22:25
Maybe I just need to date someone who will let me look at porn
Mark
06/16/2008 22:26
You're an investment with no return
Mark
06/16/2008 22:28
I always thought that if I wasn't with you, I would miss you.... but it turns out I just miss everyone else more!!!
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:53
I am doing your sister.
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:53
I'm boning your mom.
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:54
I was doing "catch the rodent" with your dad before he died.
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:55
I dreamed up of Mike Myer while we having sex.
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:56
Our son is not your... which is weird considering I'm male and your a female with capacity of giving birth.
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:58
You look fat in that pant.
*Oldest breakup sentence in the book!
*Oldest breakup sentence in the book!
Mattthoing
06/16/2008 22:59
I met someone... There's two actually Melissa's and Mrjomorisin's avy.
Anubis
06/17/2008 16:32
Who's got two thumbs and dumped his girlfriend today? Me!
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