Comedy List: One Sentence Break-Ups

You're in a long term relationship that you have to get out of.  What you need is a short-term break-up line.  Something that will get you out of the situation and on with your life as soon as possible.  What can you say?

• I thought you were someone else.
• I have all the herpes.
• Did I ever tell you about the time I stole your identity?
• Yes, all of that cow porn is mine.
• I am gay and a vampire.