Comedy List: New Sex Acts For The New Year

OK.who's gonna copy and paste the "Crank Dat...." list? LOL

1, 2, 3, ... Not it!

Not it!

I'm out!

Skeet Skeet Skeet, I'm done!!

I mean not it!

The Cannon Ball swirl... Get your girl on top and curled up like she's doing a cannon ball off the diving board, then have her grab on to the ceiling fan and hang on tight. OH YEAH! Just make sure she's all slippery or your in for a Cannon Ball Indian Burn.

I saw something like that in a movie once...the girl twisted some big piece of material over a rafter in this house/shack and just kept twisting it and twisting it. Then, she started having sex with this guy and she pushes him down on the ground, gets on top, pulls herself just up off of his body and lets the material spin do the work. HAHA I have no idea what movie that was from, though.

That should be called "Break Dancing on my Cock"

From yesterday...

Crank Dat Aquaman...

The Hitman wonders if that'd have something to do with either having doggystyle sex submerged in the ocean while wearing flippers and making noises like a dolphin, now known as doing it "Dolphystyle".........

or

...making a woman scream so loud from sex that the sound she makes causes dolphins' sonar to screw up and they all end up beached.

or

telling agirl you are going to blow your load as she gives head, then instead of doing that, you piss all over her face

"Crank dat Human Torch": you simply set the bitch on fire after you bust

Crank Dat Invisible Woman: Calling out Jessica (Fantastic Four) Alba's name as you bust, and watching the girl you're with...disappear...

Crank Dat Thing: blowing your load on a girl and then covering her with cornflakes so they make a "Thing-Like" rock coating...

Crank that "Storm" - Bust and then hit her with a Tazer

Crank that "Wolverine" - Bust and then stab her in the ass with a fork

Crank Dat Storm = Golden shower.
Crank Dat Sonic = humping as fast as possible to bust and then rolling out before she knows what happened.
Crank Dat Megaman = After finishing the deed, steal a potted plant, a refridgerator magnet, and a light bulb, and tell her that you've obtained the "powers" of Leafman, MagnetMan and Lightman, and then run out the door. Never call her again.

Crank Dat Aquaman...

The Hitman wonders if that'd have something to do with either having doggystyle sex submerged in the ocean while wearing flippers and making noises like a dolphin, now known as doing it "Dolphystyle".........

or

...making a woman scream so loud from sex that the sound she makes causes dolphins' sonar to screw up and they all end up beached.

Crank Dat Magneto: Similar to Crank Dat Superman, but instead use aluminum foil instead of a sheet or tissue.

Crank Dat Janel: finding one of the coolest chicks on the net and praying to God she's not really a 45 year old dude in his mom's basement...

Crank Dat Janel, v2: a chick that gets drunk as hell and somehow winds up in a 3some with Megan Fox and some international chick, yet DOESN'T take pics to prove it...

Crank Dat Janel: finding one of the coolest chicks on the net and praying to God she's not really a 45 year old dude in his mom's basement...

beat ya to it, Killer.

Damnit, you're one step ahead of me, again. HAHA

Dude you left out the Crank dat Frodo Baggins!!!! Do I have to do everything

Hitman, Killer, you guys got a sweet echo going on

Mark won't let his people be forgotten!

Crank Dat Mr. Freeze:

Doing it in a kitchen, then busting on her face and pushing her into an industrial grade freezer so that sh!@ freezes on her

Yeah, we're a duet...we practice online for hours each day. haha

LOL @ Killer.....you got people too.....its called a "retirement community"

Crank dat Hansel and Gretal: Doing it while standing up in the kitchen and after busting, open the oven and put her in it.

HAHA Shit, I'd be happy if I could quit working forever @ 23.

@Killer

ROFL

Crank dat Madden: get a BJ while playing madden '08....wait thats what I got for my B-day last year LOL

Crank dat Janel's Husband: Simply have him stop being such a whiny little bitch......LOL no offense, cum shot optional.....

Crank dat EFF

LMAO @ cum shot optional

Crank dat Frodo: You let a little person climb into your asshole thru a tube a la Richard Gere hamster fiasco.

Crank dat Sauron: Stuff a chilli pepper up her snatch and make it burn like a glowing vagina

also crank dat moses, spread the womans legs with supernatural forces, then like a large group of isrealies go on through

@Mark:

Did you score a touchdown as you came? That'd be freakin sweet..

Crank dat Moses made me actually LOL at work yesterday.

The Hitman: When receiving a BJ and about ready to pop, pull out and aim between her eyes.

Its an oldie but a goodie:

a Blumpkin: getting a BJ while taking a shit

it's the best of both worlds

Crank Dat Saruman:

Do it on the top of a very tall structure, then push her off when you're finished

Only in the extended version of Return of the King

Also Crank Dat Mouth of Sauron:

Stretch her mouth to absurd proportions and receive BJ

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouth_of_Sauron

I think I'd like to try it on the motorcycle. Could be fun

Crank dat Potato Gun: Hide a potato gun under the bed and after busting, grab the gun and fire into the vag.

The motorcycle you could always get a quick reach around. HAHA

Crank dat "okay thats enough with the lord of the rings" - when you're about to do a chick then you decide ud rather masturbate while watching LOTR trilogy

I have a buddy that actually gave a chick the Eiffel Tower

ROFL, or in my case, Mac, my girlfriend loves the LotR series, so I wouldn't have to pleasure myself

The Showcase Showdown - Where you do a chick till she DIES...

Crank dat Krang: After busting, snap a picture of that beat-up hatchet wound and you'll see Krang, then promptly send that shit to Dimension-X

Screaming Pelican anyone?

The Neverending Story:

Keep going even after she's dead, mac

LMAO!

And how cool is it that I get a sex position named after me! :D

The Neverending Story, The Showcase Showdown, one in the same (but i think i like ur name for it better)

Crank dat Scrambled Eggs: Pull out of her just before busting...bust on the outside of the vag, then stir it up with your dick.

The eBay Auction:

Finish on her stomach, then have her move the fun juice around til it looks like Jesus or Mother Theresa, take a pic and sell it on eBay.

No Killer, no. You eat scrambled eggs. I would not be eating that...

Oooooh, Killer! Bring her best friend in and make her eat it.


MMmmmmm, a hearty breakfast

LMFAO!!! OMG!
"Crank dat Janel's Husband".. Mark- thats priceless. Amen to that!

* I know hit man.. quite the honor -isnt it!!! ha ha ha *

=)

btw

The Eiffel Tower - one dude get a girl from behind while the girl is sucking off another dude, meanwhile the two dude hi-five each other, making the eiffel tower

Mac, you'd need a lot of lube with the neverending story.

You could be in there awhile

@Mac, that would be cool, except I'm not really into sharing with my friends

Crank dat Lion-O: only applies to a one-night stand. Don't wait until shes gone to let her know you just lost all respect for her, call that bitch a HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO right then and there!!!

"A hearty breakfast..." HAHA!

The USB port:

See if you can transfer some "files" into her, and do not disconnect until you're finished transfering

Hehe, we should think of some good nerd ones...

Your welcome Janel

The Cincinnati Bow Tie - The act of having sexual intercourse with a person's tracheostomy

The firmware flash:

Plug it, knock her unconscious (i.e. shutdown), finish inside, then wake her up ("reboot"), new "firmware" installed.


BOOM!

Crank dat R.Kelly: just google washed up R&B singers + nappy pubic hair + pissing on adolescent girls

Crank dat Britney Spears: After the bust, shave that bitches head, hit her w/ an umbrella, and take half of her money for life......or google K Fed

the Microsoft: Do a shitty job the first time and tell her the updates will make it better

The Houdini - As a man reaches climax whilst in the "doggie style" position, the man pulls out and spits on their partner's back, fooling them into thinking that he has ejaculated, however, when their partner turns around, the man lets loose in his partner's face.

The Gamer:

Hit that while playing Call of Duty 4 on XBOX Live. Both have a controller and mic hooked up.

Crank dat Marla Singer: inform your partner that you havent had sex like that since grade school LOL

The Ambush:

Do that chick at the party, then tell her to close her eyes while you bust it on her face, then have your buddies who were hiding in the room come out and drench that hoe

Crank dat Apple: Paint your dick pretty colors and make it look really cool, but then once you've put it in, just sing songs and watch movies.

@ Mark, and then deny you had sex with them until u realize you have

Marla Singer v2:

Do it crazy loud and rough for 2 hours solid one night, then pretend you have no idea why she's there or how she got there and kick her out

The Alabama Hot Pocket - Sorry if u wanna know what it is u gotta look it up for urself

Someone post it, I'm at work and don't feel like getting fired.

Do it Fight Club Style:

Get on top and chug away while slamming her head onto the ground repeatedly. Or a pillow if you're nice

LMFAO @ Crank Dat Marla...priceless! lol

Battle of Mid Way...Down a few Kamikazes at the bar then have a few Asian chicks blow you up!

Transformers:

Get a nice car. Pop the hood. Have her bend over and talk about the parts of the car. Then go go go!

"I like to go faster..."
"...double pump..." lol

Crank dat Elevator: She gets on top and she's only allowed to go up or down according to when you push each nipple (Right - Up, Left - Down)

Imagine that one in your head, it's quite a sight to behold!

The Spreadsheet Guy:

Get a line of girls waiting and do one at a time, while recording their performances as you go in an Excel document making graphs and such

Crank dat Quagmire: tell her that you own an internet company and are rich, sleep with her once, inform her of your lies, and giggity giggity get the hell out of there!

The Photoshop Pro:

Hook computer up to LCD flat screen TV. Do chick while Photoshopping picture of you doing her with Megan Fox's face...never take your eyes off the photo

I would like to take this moment to point out that this is ridiculous.....and there is nothing I'd rather be doing LOL

Crank dat Union Break: Have sex until she's halfway to climax then stop, go get some coffee, relax, watch TV, then come back an hour later and pick up where you left off like nothing ever happened.

(No offense)

Crank dat Peter (from family guy):

Get really fat and manage to bed super hot cartoon character. Then have the dog finish her off.

American Gladiator:

Get 2 hot chicks to complete in grueling challenges against muscled freaks. Winner sleeps with you. Loser...well do her too

The 30 Man Code: During sex, you shout out directions based on the ol' Contra code... "Up! Up! Down! Down! Left, Right, Left, Right! B (for blow), A (Ass)!" and then when you bust yell "Staaaaaaaaaart!"

Crank dat DV - Telling any random girl on the street that you are _________, the regular poster on DV, and being able to Crank dat anything with her because u are that famous

HAHA Classic, Chris!

Crank dat Super-Mario: *applies only to prematue ejaulators, you know who you are* If you bust too early tell her that you just found the warp to level 8 and already beat the game. LOL

The Sparta:

Do at least one chick a night. If she doesn't perform up to perfection, cast her off a cliff into a rock valley of other failures

HAHAHAHAHA Crank dat Warp Tube

Crank dat Tammy Fay: cum on her face but make it look like running mascara

LMAO @ Mark and Desmo

I am literally laughing uncontrolably and getting dirty looks from co-workers

lol@ John

Crank dat Mr. T - theres nothing special about this one, its just all about how the pubes are shaved, and draping large amounts of gold chains from the genitals

The Tuscan Nun:

Find the hottest catholic around as your about to nut, pull out and exclaim 'Just like Sister Elizabeth taught me' and ram it back in and finish. Because all cum is sacred. She'll understand.

The Yoshi:

Dress as Mario, dress her in green suit. Ride her doggy and punch her in the back of the head to make her each apples and random crap you encounter along the way

For those who aren't privy, Mario always punched Yoshi in the back of the head to open his mouth

Crank dat Lukas - ...I heard it involves a cow

@Scopi, then we she calls back cuz she's preggo, blame her religion for not letting her use contraceptive

I heard that shit too mac

"Every sperrrrm is saaaacred, every sperrrrm is goooood...and if a sperrrrm is waaaaaaasted...God gets quite iraaaaate!"

Every sperm is sacred....every sperm is good.

you beat me hitman

so it shouldnt be the donkey punch, it should be the yoshi punch

Crank Dat DV Photobucket Album:

Use a webcam to snap shots of your act with hot chick. Then send them to thelegendaryhitman@hotmail.com to prove the event to us at DV

Darn right, Mac. Darn right

"But scholars maintain that the translation for Crank that Lukas was lost years ago...."

"But Mark, doesn't it mean to have tail-swirling, udderific sex with a sacred Hindu cow?"

"No, no, no"

"Yes, yes thats what it means"

"Agree to disagree"

crank dat wishbone: while you're doing her, her 2 friends pull on both her legs until one of her hips breaks

The Boston Boy's Choir:

(Only if you're Catholic and been abused by a priest) After you get her clothes off, stop and curl up in a corner. When she asks whats wrong, just tell her 'You wouldn't understand.'

wow i wish i hadnt had that meeteing i missed all this

The Matrix: while getting a bj, just as you're about to bust, scream "Dodge This!" and then see if she can contort herself to dodge your "bullets"

Crank Dat Who's Hotter:

Get 2 chicks to strip down to underwear while you stand there with huge erection. Try and decide which to do. Wait until Killer shows up with a portfolio of different pics of each before making decision

LMFAO @ DV Photobucket....and by the way, that is the correct address to send that shit!!!! lol

LOL @ Des

@Hitman, ya buddy!

Also, Matrix v2:

Before doing it, someone consume 60+ hours of porn in 10 seconds so you know what you're a verifiable expert.

Then look stupidly at her, and say, "I know sex-fu"

"Show me."

Des is on a roll lol

Crank Dat Yacht:

Bring her on a boat, drive to middle of nowhere, do her, cum, then convince her to jump in the water to clean up. Toss life preserver and drive off

Crank Dat Dragonball Z/Naruto/fighting anime: Engage in any sexual act, but in the middle, scream out your next move and gesture wildly before performing it. Extra credit if you can make one sex act last 8 days by talking and gesturing wildly.

@ Des...Just let me know when you need that portfolio. HAHA

Crank dat PB&J - after YOU get off, send her off to the kitchen to make you a sandwich

@Desmo yacht 2: same as yacht but when she comes out of the water, make her bite down on a power cable

i.e. jaws

The Politician's Prayer:

If you're dating a politician's (or anyone of slight importance) daughter(or wife if you're ballsy enough) start slowly and then build up tempo, before you finish flip her over and knock it in the back door. Don't clean up just re-dress and go to a reception and make sure to shake daddy's hand. It's a present that will stick with him for quite a while.

LMFAO @ Hitman Extra credit is priceless!

The Bullseye: Have her get in the doggie position, blindfold yourself, run straight for her with your erection and try to hit the mark...bonus points for the bum.

Thanks for the idea, Hitman!

Crank Dat Mortal Komat:

This happens on the bridge level
Round 1:
Cum once by whoring the same moves over and over again.
Pull out.
Round 2:
Cum once by whoring the same moves over and over again.
Pull out. Uppercut her sending her crashing onto spikes below bridge.

Scream "Flawless Victory!....Fatality!"

Crank dat Yeast Infection - On second hand, dont...

Crank dat Yacht, formerly known as Crank dat Open Water

Crank Dat Mortal Kombat, pt. 2: have a buddy lean out of the closet and yell, "Toastyyyy!"

hahaha

Crank Dat Mortal Komat vScorpion:

Shoot gas-powered hook attached to rope from your wrist and scream "Get over here!" Hump repeatedly once she does

Crank dat Richard Gere - take a gerbil up the bum

The sCREAM... When she's sleeping blow one all over her face and hold her hands on either side and wait for that shit dry.

Crank dat Canoe: Do it in a canoe and after busting jump out of the canoe and flip it over with her still inside.

Crank Dat Mortal Komat vSubZero.1:

Tell her to come running in the room, cover the floor in a sheet of ice, watch her fall down and thrust repeatedly when she's on the ground

Crank dat Bookworm: Find the hottest girl in the library(slimpickens) and tell her you require her help writing a book on sexual education....she'll be a beer guzzling sorrority slut by sunrise

Crank Dat Mortal Komat vSubZero.2:

Start on one end of the room from her. Pull string that drops sh@!ton of ice on her, hopefully freezing her. Unfreeze your access point, and go at it

crank dat canadian - involves covering you dick in back bacon and maple syrup and sticking it in her beaver!

Crank Dat Memento: Tell a girl you "have this condition", where you can't make new memories. Get her home, get her in bed, and then after you bust, tell her you "have this condition where you can't make new memories" and kick her out because you don't know who she is. Extra points if you can pick her up again...

Crank dat Candy Apple - While she's sleeping, masturbate and blow it on her ass and leave it there to dry.

Crank dat RealityPornSite:

Pick up random chick on the street, invite her to your place, where you promise to pay her $1000. Do her, ditch her. Don't pay

Crank dat E. Honda: do a flying headbutt and when she's on the groundslap her with it so fast it looks like "100 wangs"

Hitman, nice one

not bad not bad ;)

@ Hitman...Crank dat Memento v2 - Tell a girl you "have this condition", where you can't make new memories. Get her home, get her in bed, and then after you bust, tell her you "have this condition where you can't make new memories" and do her again, then tell her you "have this condition where you can't make new memories" and finally kick her out because you don't know who she is. Extra points if you can pick her up again...

"Crank dat RealityPornSite:

Pick up random chick on the street, invite her to your place, where you promise to pay her $1000. Do her, ditch her. Don't pay"

...That's Vaj-Tastic!!! (SuperBad)

Crank dat Guitar Hero:

Perform in a normal position, playing her nipples as frets, then get "Star Power" and lift her up in the air and go wild

The Randy Johnson(aka The Big Unit)... Right before you cum pull out and try to hit a bird flying between you and her face.

Crank dat Dhalsim - use your extra long extremadies to do a chick while in a different room, works best while in a fight or while the game is on

Crank dat McLovin:

Try and convince some stupid broad you have no last name, it's just "McLovin" then bed her

Memento, V3: Take a polaroid as you bust the last time before you kick her out. Show it to her, and ask if that's her...after all, you have this condition...

McLovin 2: also convince her you'll take her to Hawaii.

Crank dat Special Olympics:

Memento, v4: After showing the polaroid and her saying it is her, tell her you don't remember it, but would like to see if doing it again would jog your memory...after all, you have this condition...

lmao, not sure if Desmo meant to stop there, but it's funny as hell...lol

Crank dat smurf - all verbs during sex must be changed to Smurf

Crank dat Final Fantasy: acutally, wait, I hid my fanboyism for Final Fantasy so I COULD get laid, im not going back......

Crank dat Blanka: after you come, tase her

LMAO @ Killer, NICE...lol

Whoa, it messed my one above up. It was supposed to be

Crank dat Special Olympics:

-transmission interrupted-
-Desmo soul destroyed-

Crank dat Evil Dead - Watch out for the trees or theyll rape u

@Mark, hell ya dude! I'm all over the FF. Don't hide it.

But -DO- try and find a Tifa Lockheart or Yuna lookalive and bed her

That's the Crank that Final Fantasy

"Smurf me, you smurfing smurf, smurf me! Oh, you like it in the smurf, don't you? yeah, who's your poppa smurf??? Now smurf my smurf, muthasmurfer..."

lol des

@ John (Previously mentioned as Crank dat Storm, though no less awesome! haha)

lookalike*

Crank dat Blow: do about 1.5 grams of 'cane and have sex till dawn....wait, hold on, this just in, there is my weekend in a nutshell LOL

LMAO @ FF references...here we go...lol

d'oh...I got back to the computer in the middle of it

I'm gonna mark all these down and see which ones my girl vetos.

ROFL

wow, I just realized mine all involve extreme violence

LOL @ Des for shared FF feelings
LOL @ everyone in here actually

Thats why your the Don......John

I asked her, she said she's in for all but the special olympics... I kid, I kid.

Crank dat Digg.com:

Link your live Webcam of you doing it and publish an article titled:

"Video - Ron Paul Girl No. 2!"

But only have a hosting plan that allows 40 hits per day

Crank dat Sephiroth - Look like a chick but kill anyone who wouldnt do you cuz ur that badass

Crank dat the Godfather: make her an offer she can't refuse

Cool, Killer, well the ones involving more than one guy, you're first pick

crank dat tourette's:

fuck piss dick ass shit motherfuck monkeypiss damn you, sorry can we have sex now?

Crank dat Burgandy: have sex and afterwards inform her to "watch out for the sperm, it'll impregante you"

@Mac, hellz ya!

Crank dat Sephiroth v2:

Jump off the headboard of the bed with 8ft long sword and impale her when you're done

Crank dat Godfather v2:

Do it at her place. In the middle of the night, put a horse head in her bed and take off

Crank dat MacGyver - Get to sleep with any chick cuz ur that ingenious

Crank dat Michael Corleone: when you start out be really nice and sweet about it. Gradually become more and more detached and emotionless. When she asks if you came at the end, straight up lie to her then tell her not to ask you about your affairs.

Crank dat Renzokuken (from Final Fantasy VIII):

Let her hit you a bit until you're feeling low on health. Then go on a berserk humping spree, hitting her multiple times in the v-jay, butt, and mouth in matter of a few seconds. Then use Lionheart to throw her in the air and repeat in midair

OMG I'm now gonna be outcast as a loser...

HAHA @ Des...I'm not much of a team player...but when you get called up to the big leagues, you go!

lol for Godfather v.2

Crank dat Arnold - "Cum with me if you want to live"

I'm most proud of Renzokuken.

I say to myself, not bad not bad ;)

Crank dat Tidus/Vaan: tell her you'd love to have sex, but the japanese felt it necessary to make every lead FF charachter effeminate since Y2K

ya des that was a little overboard

ROFL @Mac for Arnold, ya baby!

Arnold v2: "I'll be back"

Don't come back.

Arnold v3 - "get to the choppa" and by choppa i mean my cock

@Mark: For real dude.

Tidus v2: Follow around a pretty hot shy chick that's totally into you (best kind), but be such a whiny bastard trying to show up your father that you never actually hit that

Amen to that Mark...lol

Crank dat Wakka: after sex, say, "I'm good, yah?" then bean her in the head with a volleyball.

Arnold v4as soon as she says your name you shout "I'm a cop, You idiot!"

Mark is equally impressed and would now like to add his own Limit Sex Act

Crank dat Cherry Blossom: Spend tireless hours at the golden saucer to obtain, only to realize that Knights of the Round is better anyways....at that point your such a geek that sex is outta the question

Crank dat Champ Kind: Buy your girl's mom a nice seafood dinner, have sex with her and never call her again.

Crank Dat Auron: Don't say much. Be a total badass. and know that you've had every girl on the team repeatedly because the "leader"'s a puss.

@Hitman, ROFL man, ROFL.

That was pretty nice

Auron was totally bagging all those girls. You know it. He told Yuna how dirty of a girl she was

Arnold v5 - Ask, "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?" then proceed to show her who her daddy is

Crank Dat Pokemon:

Trap a whole bunch of horny weird hybrid monsters, and let them nail your chick in a crazy orgy

Arnold v6:

"I will pump you up. With my weiner"

Arnold would say weiner, not doubt about that

Arnold v6 - when you grab her tits, say" it's not a tuma!"

correction v7

LMAO @ Mac

Arnold, v6: After busting, tell her to "Get your ass to MARS".

"WeeNahh."

haha@hitman

Crank dat I Am Legend:

Think you're the only person left on earth. Random chick saves your life, and she's not that attractive, but zip-tie her up and nail her anyway, neverminding the fact her kid is there. Just cuz you haven't had any in that long

Crank Dat FFXII: Wonder to yourself if it's weird that you've dressed your girl up as a sexy bunny woman, but continue to have sex anyway because let's face it, you're into Final Fantasy and you're getting laid...lol :)

Crank dat I Am Legend v2:

Nail the mannequin in the movie store. Cuz she's been eyeballing you

Arnold v8 - the only thing you can say if she complains during sects is "Stop Whining!"

Arnold v9: She says she can't because she's on her period. You say, "Eef eet bleeds...we can keel eet."

lol IAL v2 ... HANK!!!

Crank Dat Weathergirl on TV:

Get upset about bad forecast. Bring her home, cum on her face screaming "It's snowing now, biotch!"

Arnold v10 - When shes pissed cuz u didnt use a condom like u said u would, say "I Lied" then drop her off a cliff

Arnold v9 - In the middle of busting pull the fire alarm and shout "FIIIIREEE DRILLLLLLLLLL"

Arnold v10: "Come on!!! I'm heya!! Come on, fuck me I'm righ theya!! Come on!!!

Arnold v11: when asked about the number of sex partners you've had, reply "Dey were all baaad."

Crank dat Billy Madison:

Wake up drunk in pool to angry hot teacher beating you up. Sex in pool

Crank Dat Han Solo:

Still get laid when you're frozen in carbonite, because you're that BA

@ hitman nice one...my favorite movie

Crank Dat Han Solo v2:

Bed a princess with sexy hairdo, make her wear copper-metal bikini

The Sweeney Todd:

Skeet all over the girl's neck and then chokeslam her

Crank Dat Chewbacca: as you bust, grunt and scream like Chewbacca, LOUDLY...growl if possible.

Crank dat Grandmas Boy: Have sex with your grandma and her 2 roomaaaa......ewwwww

Crank Dat Anakin Skywalker:

Have intercourse with former queen/now senator played by Natalie Portman. Still find a way to be a whiny b&#$@ even though you go home to her every night

Arnold v14 - if you do something a little too weird for her just say, "I'm not a pervert! I was just looking for a Turbo Man doll!"

@Hitman, I can make the Chewie noise PERFECTLY

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise, Desmo...lol

Crank Dat Ewok:

Do her in the middle of a jungle with about a billion teddy bears watching

Well it's not like i practiced it, it just happened

Arnold v15: after sex over the next 9 months pretend you are getting pregnant instead of her

Crank Dat Resident Evil:

Go into Playboy Mansion (the Raccoon City branch) and have sex with all the zombie Bunnies

Crank Dat Wii:

http://www.craveonline.com/videos/humor/00006747/wii_remote.html

Crank Dat Dying Mom Hospital Visit:

Go with your girlfriend to visit her dying mom (or dad) in the hospital. They'll be conscious, but immobile. F@#$ your girlfriend like Donkey Kong while the mom/dad is forced to watch

Crank Dat Computer Nerd:

Bring your laptop into bed with you. Plug in 2 USB vibrators synched to your favorite techno song. Plug those into whatever hole you're not currently in

Geeze des, lol

Arnold v15: just as you're about to bust scream, "Go!! Get out of heah!!"

Desmo is on fire

Crank Dat Yoga:

Wait til she's doing her yoga and is in one of those super freaky positions where she's deep in meditation. Out of nowhere, BAM, pop in there

Lol it died. Am I the only one who can sit here and do this all day?

Arnold v16 - bring a tiny dude into bed with u and convincer her hes your twin

Crank dat Kobe: rape a bitch and pay her off

No, but I think we're all just in awe of your rapid fire skills... (like that's not a set up...lol)

"He's my bruddah!"

Crank Dat Rapid Fire Skills:

Set Guinness Record for most cps (cumshots per second)

Arnold v17: grab her tits and say, "Nice cookies. I look forward to tossing dem."

Arnold v18 - combine any the Mr. Freeze or Subzero Cranks with any of the Arnold Cranks

Crank Dat Shaq:

You know what they say about guys with big feet?
Come on baby, it won't hurt that bad.

LOL @ Chris' blatant disregard for setting himself up for gay jokes o'plenty

lol "Who told you you could eat my cookies? "

Crank Dat Jordan: have your tongue out the entire time you're "slam dunking" her.

Crank dat Shaq v. 2: Same as before, but after your done tell her "I gotta get me one of them whoppa's"

Crank Dat BK King:

Seriously, no explanation needed. Do her in the BK King costume! Oh, and all her friends too. Duh.

I bet you could get some action as the BK King...

Crank dat Jason Voorhees - Kill every hot chick staying at ur camp than go beat off on ur mom's mummified head

haha u nuts, hilarious list

Arnold v19 - Call every chick you do Sarah Connah

Crank dat Shaq v. 3: If she doesn't go for the shoe line, doesnt get you a whopper, tell her that you are steel and know shaq-fu....so put out or die

Arnold v20 - Say, "Your clothes, give them to me" and do the first chick who does

Crank Dat Japan:

Go to Japan and do insane amounts of women, by telling them the rumor is true that American penis much bigger than Asian penis

Crank Dat Japan v2:

Only if you're black.
Go to Japan and do insane amounts of women x2, by telling them the rumor is true that black guys really are hung like horses

Crank Dat Godzilla: go to Japan, tell the women they must appease the giant dragon lizard...in your pants.

...what rumor? lol

Crank Dat Windows Vista (man, I'm a nerd):

Be doing a chick, but have her stop you every few seconds to tell you there's a security threat and ask if you really want to proceed

Crank dat Forrest Gump - find a legless hooker and start having sex with her and then say "but Lt Dan u ain't got no legs" then after she leaves say "she tasted like cigarettes"

@Hitman

Ouch, you're gonna make us white guys feel bad...

The Double Viking: Show your girl a bunch of inane videos and articles until she's subdued... then it's time to POUNCE

LMFAO @ Mac

Crank Dat Forrest Gump v2:

In the middle of every encounter, say

"I miss Jenny..."

Then naturally, come on her face

Forrest Gump v2: After finishing, mumble in a slightly retarded, southern drawl, "Ah...ah thank ah ruined jah robe..."

Gump v2 - (if ur gay) say "i got shot in the buttox" at the appropriate moment

272 comments... I wonder how many are mine lol

270 HAHA

Crank Dat Swordfish:

Get blown while trying to hack into NSA site in under a minute

Gump v.4: after you finish, get up, get dressed, and run out the door, screaming, "I Wuz Run-NANG!!"

Crank Dat Swordfish v2:

Do Halle Barry.

Touchdown.

ROFL hitman

Crank Dat Swordfish V2 is on my Bucket List.

lol...good list guys....I'm out...have a good weekend!

Gump v5 - If a girl makes fun of your shoes say "Mama says they was magic shoes. They could take me anywhere."

Crank Dat Hitman:

Pretend to be Morpheus. Tell women "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep your rabbit hole goes"

Both pills are roofies. Bag said women

Gump v6: (sounds like a retarded sports car...lol) Do a chick's mom. make sure she hears you. Then come out, wiping your forehead and say, "mmm, mmm, mmm...that woman sure does care about your education..."

In the words of Forrest Gump "That's all I have to say about that." So im out too
have a good weekend all

For today (so far) there were the following numbers of comments:

International Babe of the Day: Reon Kadena
Comments (345)

Contest - 01.11.2008
Comments (167)

DV's Qs, Ts & As 1-11-08
Comments (72)

Comedy List: New Sex Acts For The New Year
Comments (285)

Those four alone = 869 Comments HAHA

Good to see we're all working hard at work.

enjoy my friend buddah dave

ROTFLMFAO...nice one Des...nice one...LMAO

U got a lot of time on ur hands there killer, LOL

Peace out Dave and Mac

LOL the Killer re-cap

I thought you'd like that Hitman

Happy weekend DV fuck feet! See you all Monday!

Also, might I note, you guys are fuckin' ridiculous...and that's why I come here!

lmao, indeed...later guys...i'm done...

...and I've got at least 2 sex acts named after me...
Not bad, not bad ;)

ROTFLMFAO also Des, classic

Crank Dat Matrix Reloaded:

Monica Belluci wants to make out with you in a bathroom. Morpheus is there. Trinity is there. Kick Trinity out, lock the bathroom, and you and Morpheus have at that Italian goddess

Crank dat Chlostrophbic Shitter: no sexual act, just a severe beating of anybody who breaks an unwritten moral rule of shitting with the door open.....

Ah crap, you guys are all leaving? Alright, I guess me too

See ya MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY!

Alright I'm on the leaving bandwagon now too....Peace out Fuck Feet

Crank Dat Shaq v 3: As you nut on her face yell,"Kazaam!!".

Crank Dat Alaskan' Pipe line:
Take a crap in a ziplock baggie, put it in the frezzer and use it latter on her like a sex toy!

OMG! What a great way to start Monday! LMAO!!! HA HA HA HA.. What a fucking list!!! LOL

More pics:

joe (not to be confused with Mexico Joe):
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Hitman_mh/withskyejoe.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Hitman_mh/retrojoe.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y83/Hitman_mh/drinkingjoe.jpg

Mornin' Janel. glad to see I'm not the only fuckfeet here at 8:30am...lol

Dude...where is everybody...still hungover?

Crank dat Clapper: Finish before her and give yourself a round of applause with your hands clapping as well as clapping by shaking your hips forward and backward causing your testicles to clap against your perinium.

I think I just invented a new one.

The Bloody Mary:

She rides you while on her period with a celery stalk in her butt as she pours chilled vodka down her breasts for you to drink.

haha