Comedy List: Keeping Cool

The summer is now official.  Alright, it's not officially summer for a few weeks, but we're cracking triple digits across the country.  What I mean to say:  it's effing hot.  How are you keeping cool?

• Dipping my nuts in Hillary Clinton's icy mood.
• Making sure I stay hydrated with a virgin's blood sacrifice to abate the Sun God.
• Putting off all activities until the night, which is when I do most of my grave-robbing anyway.
• Get a garbage can.  Fill it with ice.  Get inside until a hobo walks by, then knock him unconscious and sell his kidneys for an air conditioner.
• I live in outer space.