Conan

The Terminator

John Matrix (Commando)

Mark Kaminsky (Raw Deal)

Dutch (Predator)

Ben Richards (The Running Man)

Douglas Quaid/Hauser (Total Recall)

John Kruger (Eraser)

The Arena:

The Kumite arena is essentially an open area covered with sand, with 8 stone pillars encircling the arena. Each combatant has access to the weapons of his movie, and can use anything he can get his hands on, including each other’s weapons. Furthermore, the combatants will fight one on one, and will fight to the death (or deactivation).

The Kumite Bracket:

Let’s Get It ON!!!

Conan vs. Kruger

The two combatants emerge from opposite entrances. Kruger grabs two of the specialty wall-piercing rifles from his corner, while Conan grabs his trusty blade. Kruger opens fire, blasting through pillars to get at Conan, who rolls behind each pillar, which explodes over his head. He runs in an erratic pattern as Kruger fires round after round until Conan is on top of him. Kruger recoils, attempting to swing one of the rifles melee style, but Conan swings his mighty steel and cuts through the rifle Conan chucks his sword to the side and grabs Kruger by the throat. He rips off an arm. He then rips of a leg. In a blink of an eye, Conan, master of body mod art, exchanges the arm and leg, all before cartwheeling Kruger right off the platform. The crowd yells, "Conan! Conan!"

Quaid vs Terminator

Quaid and Terminator enter the arena. Quaid rushes the Terminator brawler style and attempts to tackle him but finds it akin to tackling a bulldozer. Quaid grunts as he smashes into the immovable Terminator, who knocks him aside. Quaid rolls out of the fall, gets to his feet, and notices the huge power drill next to his entrance. He grabs it, turns it on, and runs at the Terminator, who grabs the drill with his hand, sending flesh flying everywhere before the drill is stopped by the Terminator’s metallic hand. Terminator rips the drill out of Quaid’s hand and shoves the whole thing down Quaid’s throat. Literally. Quaid’s mouth expands to preposterous size until only the hilt of the drill is left. Then the Terminator turns on the drill.

Matrix vs. Kaminsky

The fight is near it's last legs. Kaminsky, to everyone's surprise, seemingly is about to win the fight. When out of nowhere, Matrix stands up, puts Kaminsky in a chokehold, reaches into his own pants, pulls out a bag of Mentos candy and stuffs it down Kaminsky's throat. Matrix signals to Alyssa Milano in the crowd who then chucks her soda bottle at him. Matrix walks over to Kaminsky, and force feeds the entire bottle of Sunkist down his throat. Matrix turns his back and faces the crowd. As he lifts his hands in the air, a geyser of intestines and organs errupt from Kaminsky's head. The crowd is left speechless as Matrix hi-fives Milano.

Richards vs. Dutch

Richards faces off against Dutch, who mutters, “If it bleeds, we can kill it.” Richards looks confused, but starts to run at Dutch, who catches him by the throat and slams him into the ground. Richards wriggles free, rolls away and grabs a club, then comes at Dutch again, who deftly sidesteps him, grabs the baton and smacks Richards in the head. Dutch grabs Richards again, and smacks the baton away. Dutch then shoves his entire arm up Richards ass and rips out his skeleton. As Richards' body is deflating, Dutch sets up the perfectly in-tact skeleton as a throne. Heavenly.

Conan vs. Terminator

Conan growls at Terminator as he picks up his sword once again. Terminator stands perfectly still, unwavering as Conan charges, swings his mighty broadsword over head and brings it down on Terminator’s skull. The Terminator’s face splits open, revealing the robotic endoskeleton. Terminator’s red glowing eye glares at Conan, who recoils, grunting, “Crom!! What magick is THIS?!” Conan’s sword breaks over Terminator’s metallic skull. In one fluid motion, Terminator grabs Conan by the neck, lifts him up in the air, holds him by his ankles “You ruined my face…I’ll just have to wear yours,” Terminator says, and peels off Conan's face. Similar to a Halloween mask, Terminator slips it over his head. While doing so, he begins to break dance. Life is good.

Matrix vs. Dutch

Never before has there been a more evenly staged match. Both titans wage war, dishing out punches, kicks, knees and elbows. The fight goes on for 13 hours when suddenly Dutch sees an opening. He reaches out for one of the ring girls, and begins to rip off both of her tits. Matrix stands there in sheer horror as he watches a perfectly beautiful (and bosomful) woman drop to the ground. Without hesitation, Dutch begins to smash each tit onto Matrix's skull. The crowd yells louder, as Dutch delivers each blow. "Again!" Dutch beats Matrix's face in with another titty-bomb. "Again!" Dutch raises both his arms in the air and spikes both titties one last time as they and Matrix’s head splatter everywhere. 

Terminator vs. Dutch

Dutch, riding high off his experience in dealing with an aggressive, nimble and technologically advanced foe shows no fear. "You are a toaster with a gun." Dutch stands before him, covered from head to toe in mud. "You can hear me, but you can't see me, jukebox." However, little did he know, the Terminator still sees him and delivers a drop kick to the chest. Dutch rolls with the kick, gets back to his feet and pulls out a bowie knife. He dodges as the Terminator grabs for him and takes out his eyes, like that creature did to C3P0. All the Terminator can see is Dutch’s ass, as Dutch says, "So you wanted a crack at me...now you have it!" in typical Arnold voice. Terminator tries desperately to put his eyes back in place, and while doing so Dutch slides behind Terminator, cutting the cables that supply lubrication to Terminator’s joints. Within a matter of seconds, Terminator locks up and is nothing more than a piece of bad art. Dutch raises his arms in victory as Terminator falls face forward into the dirt.